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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273479">a tale of graffiti and button-ups</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosePetalsAndRain/pseuds/RosePetalsAndRain'>RosePetalsAndRain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad boy Seungmin, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Crack, Developing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and call it a christmas tree, and it doesnt affect the boys, bc boy is this a festive bout of pining, eventually, gather all the pining into one pine tree, minimal angst, they pine so MUCH, very lightly implied though</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:49:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,246</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosePetalsAndRain/pseuds/RosePetalsAndRain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“YANG JEONGIN,” Felix screams as he barrels into Jeongin’s dorm room with all the force of a freight truck, “when were you going to tell me that you’re dating Kim Seungmin?” He’s holding his phone out in front of him, the screen illuminated with a photo taken at the party the night before, of Jeongin being led out of the house by Seungmin. Jeongin is a little blurry, but Seungmin’s form is clearly video, captured in 4k despite the shitty party lighting.</p><p>“Innie? You’re dating somebody?” Jeongin’s mother says through the phone, clearly trying to stay calm but the vibrations in her tone betray her excitement. Her face is suddenly huge, eyes pushed dangerously close to the screen in a comically vain attempt to glimpse the photo Felix is displaying. “You didn’t tell me this! What’s he like? Oh, my darling, I’m so happy for you - what was his name I heard?” </p><p>Jeongin freezes in place for a second time, pressing the phone to his chest so hard he wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up leaving an imprint on his skin. </p><p>“Innie? Are you still there?” </p><p> </p><p>Or, the Jeongmin fake relationship AU that takes place at Christmas.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Background relationships - Relationship, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>165</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeypressed/gifts">honeypressed</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a gift for my best friend, one that I've been planning and writing for a WHILE now! I hope it lives up to your expectations. Enjoy, for it was made with love!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a chilly October afternoon when Yang Jeongin decides it’s time for a <em> change </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Not a <em> huge </em> change, of course. It’s early in the academic year; the semester has only just started. Too much change right at the beginning of the year would be drastic, and Jeongin isn’t really one for drastic changes. </p><p> </p><p>Because it’s September, the world around Jeongin is changing; with every blink and every breath the world differentiates and changes and prepares for winter. </p><p> </p><p><em> Blink. </em> A leaf falls from a tree, spinning and fluttering until it’s laying on the floor, browned and crispened from dehydration and lack of sunlight. </p><p> </p><p><em> Blink </em>. A child jumps into a pile of freshly collected leaves in a nearby park, disturbing the peaceful gathering of fallen soldiers and sending them into a flurry of warm colours that crunch beneath her wellingtons. </p><p> </p><p><em> Blink. </em> A squirrel in another tree scurries along a branch, adding another acorn to their stockpile that will keep them alive through the winter, and above it, a flock of birds take flight, soaring into a coordinated <em> V </em> shape in the sky as they travel south to a warmer climate. </p><p> </p><p><em> Blink </em> and you, too, are changed.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, changes are happening all around Jeongin, and whilst he adores idly watching them take place every autumn, preferably with a hazelnut hot chocolate on hand whilst wrapped up in a warm scarf and gloves, this year <em> he </em> wants to be a part of the ever-changing world, too. </p><p> </p><p>Autumn is a time for transformation, and Jeongin wants to transform with it. </p><p> </p><p>If there was one word Jeongin could describe his behaviour as, it would be… safe. He always played things safe; hardly ever takes risks. In some ways, this was definitely rewarding: his straight A’s in every class could hardly be argued with, and nor could his student references from past teachers that had sweet-talked his employers into easily hiring him for his part-time jobs. </p><p> </p><p>However, his reputation as <em> boring </em> and <em> bland </em> kind of… bothers him. </p><p> </p><p>He’s okay, really! He knows that he has a good amount of friends that love him fiercely, and whom he loves back just as much. And now that he’s in his third year of college, he’s come to realise that the mocking jabs from his highschool “friends” were all just results of internalised jealousy and outlets of built-up insecurities that they would project onto him. He knows his worth now, and he <em> knows </em> he’s not boring just because he’d rather stay inside and study than go out and party. </p><p> </p><p>In the long run, he knows that he will most likely end up even more successful than his party-animal friends, as long as his studying pays off, but even so, words stick with you no matter the amount of reassurance and self-love you grow into. And there’s always been a tiny, teeny, niggling voice in the back of Jeongin’s mind reminding him of the way intelligence often comes with side-labels and sour implications. </p><p> </p><p><em> Swot, boffin, geek. </em>Singular, monosyllabic words that were small enough to be shoved right down Jeongin’s throat for years of his time at highschool. Small enough that they were bite-sized, and didn’t affect him at the time, but once inside of him they swelled and swelled until sometimes, he feels like he’s choking on every letter.</p><p> </p><p>He could take risks, he <em> could </em> ! He’s interesting as hell and has definitely gotten away with way more arson than anybody else he’s acquainted with (which <em> definitely </em> offsets the labels he’s gained throughout life, but nobody but himself and his close friends know about that -- and he never plans on making the fact well-known), and he shouldn’t -- <em> doesn’t </em> -- need to prove anything to <em> anyone </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Anyone, except perhaps himself. </p><p> </p><p>And it’s not like he’s going to make any <em> drastic </em> changes, or anything. He’d just like to switch things up, just a little. He’d love to <em> get out more </em> , so to say, and let go of his fear of failure in his studies. He <em> knows </em> that he’s smart; a few nights out aren’t going to kill him. </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin would also like to find love someday. But he understands that love isn’t something you can just go out and find; you have to let it happen naturally, so he files that thought away for another day. </p><p> </p><p>The wind picks up around him, and the cold blast ruffles Jeongin’s hair, messing it up, as if mother nature herself had run her fingers through the dyed red locks. A student around Jeongin’s age flies past on his skateboard; the autumn sun glinting off his leather jacket as he propels himself along the pavement on the worn board, oblivious to the world around him. Jeongin watches and shakes his head as he feels the phantom breeze he left behind rush past him just a few seconds after the boy, and watches as he skates away into the distance, and wonders how it feels to be so free.</p><p> </p><p>The least thing Jeongin can do is simply go out tonight. And so he plans to do just that.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The apartment is loud, and when Jeongin steps into the building the next evening he <em> swears </em> he can feel the vibrations of pulsating music in the air; the tunes already loud in his ears and he’s not even inside yet. </p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t take even half a brain to figure out which door he needs to enter - it’s already hanging open and lights, as well as people, are spilling in and out of the apartment door, and Jeongin already feels intense sympathy for their surrounding neighbours, who will decidedly not be getting any sleep tonight at all. At least it’s a Saturday. </p><p> </p><p><em> I’ll definitely need a drink to get through this, </em> Jeongin thinks - and whilst it would be much wiser to turn heel and leave the mess of bodies and music that’s so loud it’s making his teeth vibrate - he ignores the tiny voice telling him to escape; pushes it to the back of his mind and instead he shoulders through the throngs of people and heads straight into the kitchen, where he rightly assumes the alcohol will be hiding. </p><p> </p><p>His assumption is correct, and the kitchen is trashed already; empty, dented beer cans have been discarded everywhere <em> but </em> the trash can provided whilst the microwave door hangs open with a questionable liquid dripping from the inside. Several cupboard doors hang open too, revealing evidence that drunk students have already hit the hungry stage of drunkenness and have raided the food supplies, leaving open boxes of cereal tipped over onto countertops, turning soggy as more drinks get spilt and discarded.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head at the mess, Jeongin walks to the bucket of bottles and cans sitting in half-melted ice in the middle of the room and chooses a bottle at random, wincing when he sees the alcohol percentage displayed there in black font. Deciding to dilute it with something non-alcoholic, he grabs a red solo cup and adds equal parts alcohol to lemonade: he’d rather <em> not </em> get so drunk that he’ll do something he’ll regret later. He’s seen the mortifying aftereffects of alcohol on his friends, and he’d rather not give them blackmail material to use against him, although he <em> does </em> have a collection of his own to use on them when the opportunity arises. </p><p> </p><p>Wincing at the wet sounds of a couple heatedly making out across the kitchen from him, Jeongin tosses back half of his cup - wincing again at the slightly bitter burn of it - before refilling it and walking out of the room, rejoining the masses and trying to weave his way around the tidal wave of people moving about to the music, and as the buzz of alcohol finally begins to hit him, Jeongin realises that maybe this isn’t so bad after all. </p><p> </p><p>“Jeongin, hey!” Felix jumps into Jeongin’s line of vision out of absolutely nowhere, and Jeongin yelps, jumping so hard that some of his drink sloshes out of its red confines and splatters onto the floor. Felix laughs loudly over the music, utterly <em> gone </em> under the influence of bitter yet enticing alcohol, and throws his arms above his head, the tiny gems stuck under his eyes glittering in the cheap disco light someone has generously provided. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Felix.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never -- never seen you at a <em> party </em> before, Innie!” Felix sings, leaning in close to be heard. “It’s a great change to see you here!”  </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin’s heart warms. “Thanks, Lix. It’s very… new.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come say hi to everyone!” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin allows himself to be pulled by the warm weight of Felix’s fingers tight around his wrist, through couples and groups and individuals, to the opposite end of the room where some - thankfully - more <em> familiar </em> faces are gathered, albeit among some less familiar too. </p><p> </p><p>“Everyone! Innie came!” Felix cheers, stumbling a little but catching himself, much to Jeongin’s relief, and holding the younger’s hand in the air like a trophy. The air fills with a chorus of cheers and raised solo cups as everybody turns to greet him, and Jeongin feels warm inside. Welcomed. <em> Loved </em>, even. Knowing that his mere presence provides such joy, even to a group of drunk university students, some of which have likely never seen him before… it’s a lovely feeling, and it spreads evenly throughout his body from his chest to his fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>Scanning the group, he finds a couple of familiar faces: Chan is here, and Felix, obviously. A few less familiar, but still friendly faces linger too: he recognises two guys as Yoshi and Yedam, and another two named Yeosang and Joshua. The other few faces are lost on him, but they look friendly either way, their eyes glinting with fun in the dim lighting.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s good to see you here, man!” Chan cheers, pulling Jeongin into a hug none-too-gently. He feels his hair being ruffled, and his ribs hurt slightly from the force of Chan’s embrace, but he blames the alcohol for making his friend forget how <em> damn </em> strong he is. “Are you having fun?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think so,” Jeongin yells, feeling his throat itch at the sheer volume he has to reach to be heard. “I only just got here.” It’s silly, but he feels like if he were to stand on his tiptoes, it would somehow make his voice even louder. He doesn’t try it, but it doesn’t stop a tiny part of him wanting to do so. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, you missed the fight then?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin startles. “Fight?” he must have misheard.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, some kid got beaten up, apparently.”</p><p> </p><p>“It was so <em> badass! </em> ” A raven-haired stranger - with the name generously supplied by Felix to be <em> Changbin - </em> slurs, barrelling into Chan’s side, unbalanced and way past the line of tipsy. “The kid was bleeding so much.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure you’d call that <em> badass, </em> Changbin,” Chan laughs, gently chiding the younger, “it was… violent, that’s for sure.” </p><p> </p><p>“Damn…” Jeongin isn’t sure he really <em> did </em> do the wisest thing in coming here now. “Are they still here?”</p><p> </p><p>“The kid that beat the other up? I’m not sure. He disappeared after his victim left,” Changbin supplies, his words sounding thick, like they took a lot of effort to pronounce coherently. Given his inebriated state, they probably were. </p><p> </p><p>“Wild,” is all Jeongin can say before he knocks another mouthful of his drink back.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Jeongin manages to victoriously get through around three hours unscathed before his entire friendship group is a mess of giggles and stumbles. He’s tispy, but not inebriated; too cautious to want to succumb to the clutches of alcohol in such a public setting. Snickering at the way Felix is trying to climb Chan like a damn <em> yeti </em>, he makes a quick over-the-shoulder gesture back to the kitchen, deciding that fetching a few glasses of water to the trainwrecks he calls his friends won’t hurt. </p><p> </p><p>He gets halfway to the kitchen when a <em> very </em> drunk peer falls into his path, landing roughly into Jeongin’s chest, and Jeongin raises the hand holding his own drink into the air on instinct, stopping any spillage mid-slosh. The stench of heavy alcohol hangs thick around the intruder, and Jeongin fights the urge to cough it away. The guy steps back, giving Jeongin a heavy once-over, and Jeongin <em> then </em> has to stop himself from physically shuddering at the vibes this guy is exuding. Spite and cruelty seem to ooze from this guy’s very being. </p><p> </p><p>“Watch where you’re going, <em> bitch </em>,” he spits, and Jeongin raises an eyebrow, never one to take any shit, particularly from another student who clearly can’t handle his alcohol. </p><p> </p><p>“You watch where you’re going too,” Jeongin mutters, and moves to slide past the guy when suddenly, the guy grabs his arm in a vice grip and out of nowhere, Jeongin is surrounded with cronies. He groans internally, desperately looking for a way out. “Let me go.” </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm… no,” the same guy says with glee, tugging Jeongin to the side and making him stumble. “People don’t just <em> talk back </em> to me like that.” </p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” someone yells, and Jeongin is hit with a strange sense of deja vu as his eyes land on the face of a vaguely familiar boy elbowing his way through the group. “Leave him be, morons. He didn’t do shit.” </p><p> </p><p>“Kim <em> fucking </em> Seungmin!” one of the other guys crows, jumping up and down. “Look who it is.” </p><p> </p><p>The hold on Jeongin’s arm loosens for a second, and he yanks it out of the guy’s grip, rubbing the skin now marred with ugly red marks beneath his shirt. </p><p> </p><p> “He’s gay, right? You two should <em> date </em>,” the guy says, clearly meaning Seungmin and Jeongin, but there’s no sincerity behind his words, and his voice is spiked with spite. Clearly, this group cut straight to the chase, not even bothering to lead up to their insults. Disgusting people who prey on the tenderness and love they so clearly crave for themselves. It’s tragic, really. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think it would be a bad thing, if two guys were to date. Perhaps that’s just your fragile masculinity speaking through the alcohol,” Seungmin snarks back, and Jeongin takes a step back, ready to flee the scene right then and there before things got any worse.</p><p> </p><p>“They <em> are </em> dating!” another sings, almost falling over with the force of himself. Do these people have nothing more to prey on than the idea of love itself?</p><p> </p><p>The drink in Jeongin’s hand is still cold, but the chill of pre-iced alcohol has nothing on the freezing effect of that chocolate gaze belonging to Kim Seungmin piercing right through him. Subconsciously, he grips the solo cup tighter, paying no mind to how the thin plastic bends beneath his fingers, the fizzing liquid inside threatening to spill over his fingers and onto his shoes. </p><p> </p><p>“What-” he whispers, but before he can question it further, Seungmin’s arm is wrapped around his shoulders, the weight warm and grounding as he looks at the floor and Seungmin stares at the group in front of them with an equally calculating gaze. </p><p> </p><p>“It sounds to me like you’re all too insecure in your own love lives and you’re projecting it onto whoever you deem fit,” Seungmin says, voice monotone and steady, never wavering. His hand grips Jeongin’s shoulder, but instead of pain, his fingers pressing into the flesh there feel comforting, like it’s speaking to the younger. <em> I’ve got you. </em> But Jeongin’s quickly sobering self is still just a little too tipsy to acknowledge that at the moment. “We don’t have to prove anything to you guys.” </p><p> </p><p>The group’s leader’s face grows tight, and his hand crushes the plastic cup he’s holding, sending what’s left of its contents splashing onto the floor and leaving a sticky mess that likely won’t be cleaned up until the next morning. “You’re lying!”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t pick a fight after my earlier… <em> performance </em> , if I were you,” Seungmin purrs, cracking his knuckles by one and not breaking eye contact even for a second. <em> He’s the one Chan mentioned earlier </em> .  “I’m all warmed up and <em> you, </em> on the other hand, are drunk out of your mind. If you remember this little discussion tomorrow I’ll gladly show you the damage I can cause.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin stands, frozen, as he watches the scene unfold; every movement is a risk and he feels as if he even twitches, he’ll be heard as the starting bell for a fight. </p><p> </p><p>The group is rendered silent for a full second before their leader lunges forward, fists flailing and face contorted in barely suppressed rage. “Come on then, if you think you’re hard enough!”</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin steps away from Jeongin and stands, amused, as the boy approaches them with all the confidence of a professional wrestler, <em> laughing </em> as they land weak punch after weak punch against his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“Alcohol really does drain the strength sometimes,” he comments, and Jeongin sees the exact moment the guy sees <em> red </em>, letting out an infuriated yell and throwing his hands in the air in anger. In doing so, he manages to hit Jeongin right in the nose, who stumbles backwards, crying out in pain as his drink goes tumbling to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Don’t touch him, </em> ” Seungmin growls, and before Jeongin can do so much as blink, he’s landed a solid uppercut to the guy’s jaw, sending him flailing and falling to the ground, unable to keep balance due to the alcohol clouding his senses like thick fog. Jeongin panics, and he’s sure as hell that any alcohol he’d previously ingested has left his system in place of adrenaline as his eyes dart around the room; there’s too much going on, too many people, too much music and it’s so <em> loud </em>, so many lights, so many people -- </p><p> </p><p>“Jeongin. Jeongin,” Seungmin is saying, and Jeongin feels sure hands take hold of his shoulders, holding him steady. “Jeongin. Are you okay?” </p><p> </p><p>“I-” <em> Is </em> he okay? Jeongin has no idea. </p><p> </p><p>“I think we should get you home,” he hears Seungmin say over the din, and there are arms wrapped firmly around him; hands guiding him through the masses one last time and suddenly they’re out of the apartment; the music is behind them and Jeongin can breathe again as the freezing autumn air finally fills his lungs, sharp and refreshing as he gasps in air like he’d never taken a breath of it before. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you know where your friends are?” Seungmin asks, straight to the point. Jeongin shakes his head mutely. “Alright, then how did you get here?”</p><p> </p><p>“I walked.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Well, you’re in no fit state to be walking back now. I’ll drive you back, come on,” Seungmin announces gruffly, and Jeongin’s heart drops, fear making his stomach lurch. This is the guy who’s already fought two people tonight, and made one person bleed so much they had to leave the premises altogether. Does Jeongin really want to be in a car with him in such a vulnerable state? <em> Does he have a choice </em>? </p><p> </p><p>In the end, he ends up messaging his friends on their group chat and letting Seungmin walk him back after all, and goes to bed a little over an hour later, once he’s dragged himself through the arduous task of washing away his makeup and brushing his teeth. He’ll shower tomorrow. </p><p> </p><p>Only one thought roams free within his brain, a mere whisper as he drifts off to sleep among duvets and pillows that starkly contrast the sharp fear he felt just hours prior. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> How did Seungmin even know his name? </em>
</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Despite the low amounts of alcohol Jeongin consumed the previous night, he wakes up to a throbbing headache and groans as he pulls himself out of bed, trudging over to the bathroom where he keeps his painkillers and downing them with water. Looking in the mirror, he sees that nothing is out of place: no bloodshot eyes, and he <em> did </em> in fact manage to successfully remove all of his makeup, which he had done in the dark, and the fact makes for a small blessing through his headache. </p><p> </p><p>Memories of last night rush back into the forefront of his mind like a dam breaking over a tall lake, and Jeongin gasps, rushing to pick up his phone and check that his friends got his messages about him leaving early. If they hadn’t, he’d have to call them immediately; knowing them they’ll be worried sick. </p><p> </p><p>He sighs in relief at the replies that flooded in from the group-chat at varying hours of the night - of course, at some point everybody had checked their phones and known that he’d gotten back safely. The time, 11:36, flashes at the top of his screen, and as if on cue, Jeongin’s stomach growls loudly, making him swallow a giggle at the sound of it slicing through the silence of his room. It’s a Saturday: the day in which  he makes sure to facetime his mother without fail, to make up for the nights he can’t spend calling her due to studying and socialisation. He’ll eat breakfast first, get dressed and then call her. </p><p> </p><p>All things considered, his morning goes surprisingly quickly: it takes much less time to shower, eat and dress than anticipated, which leaves Jeongin with the blessing of being able to call his family early. He speaks with his father for about an hour before the phone is passed to his mother, and the time flies by so quickly that Jeongin forgets all about his prior plans to meet with Felix at two o’clock - and by the time ten-past two rolls around, his only reminder chomps straight through his comfortable sushi-roll of familial love in the form of a very loud, <em> very </em> determined Felix busting his dorm room door down.</p><p> </p><p>“YANG JEONGIN,” Felix screams as he barrels into Jeongin’s dorm room with all the force of a freight truck, “when were you going to tell me that you’re dating <em> Kim Seungmin </em>?” He’s holding his phone out in front of him, the screen illuminated with a photo taken at the party the night before, of Jeongin being led out of the house by Seungmin. Jeongin is a little blurry, but Seungmin’s form is clearly video, captured in 4k despite the shitty party lighting.</p><p> </p><p>“Felix, could you hold on a second?” Jeongin’s heart almost leaps clean out of his chest - it’s times like this that he regrets giving Felix a spare key - and gestures to his phone. Felix mouths a quiet <em> ‘oh’ </em> and mimes zipping his lips, complete with high-pitched sound effects. </p><p> </p><p>“Innie? You’re dating somebody?” Jeongin’s mother says through the phone, clearly trying to stay calm but the vibrations in her tone betray her excitement. Her face is suddenly huge, eyes pushed dangerously close to the screen in a comically vain attempt to glimpse the photo Felix is displaying. “You didn’t tell me this! What’s he like? Oh, my darling, I’m so happy for you - what was his name I heard?” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin freezes in place for a second time, pressing the phone to his chest so hard he wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up leaving an imprint on his skin. </p><p> </p><p>“Innie? Are you still there?” </p><p> </p><p>He forces himself out of his reverie, both hands coming to cradle the phone as he shows his face through the camera again. “Yeah - yeah, I’m still here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, darling! What’s the name of the lucky boy, then?” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin sends a panicked glance to Felix, who’s blissfully unaware of the wormhole he’s just opened. What does he <em> do </em>? His mother sounds so delighted - he’s panicking again; his mind is simply playing the video on repeat, his mouth won’t work, what to do-</p><p> </p><p>“Kim Seungmin!” Felix chirps helpfully, the words <em> so </em>palpable as they hang in the air, yet untouchable to the point that Jeongin can’t for the life of him reach out and stuff them right back where they came from. </p><p> </p><p>“Seungmin? Oh, I’m so happy for you, love! You must bring him with you at Christmas - your Aunt Jisoo and I have been longing for you to bring someone home for the festivities!” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin is standing in fog, and he has no headlights. He has eyes, but they cannot see. He’s lost, spiralling into the cosmos of confusion, panic and the unknown. </p><p> </p><p>“I - I’ll think about it. I have to go, Felix just arrived,” is all he can think to say, and his mother is quick to bid him a goodbye full of vibrant happiness before he hands up, the screen turning black as he looks back up at Felix with eyes as wide as the gaping hole of sheer panic that’s just opened up within his chest.. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Lix, </em>” he whines, trudging up to his friend who accepts him with open arms, “that was my mother.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” Felix blinks, “I heard. What I <em> also </em> heard is that you’re <em> dating Kim Seungmin and haven’t told any of us! </em>” </p><p> </p><p>“That’s the <em> point </em> ,” Jeongin’s voice raises an octave, “I’m not dating Seungmin! It’s probably a stupid rumour from the party because he saved me from this big group of drunk guys… but now my mother overheard you yelling and wants me to <em> bring him home for Christmas </em>!” </p><p> </p><p>Felix’s eyes widen in glee, and he hits at Jeongin’s chest excitedly. “No way! That’s so cool! Are you actually gonna do it?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin groans loudly, again, and walks back to his bed, plopping onto it like jelly. That’s what he chooses to become now. If he turns into a jellyfish, he won’t have to deal with any of the consequences of these trifling current events. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re purposely ignoring the fact that I have to either tell Seungmin about this mess and persuade him to go along with this whole tirade, <em> or </em> tell my mother that I just panicked and didn’t correct you and dash her pure hopes of me finding love at such a young age.” </p><p> </p><p>“Either way sounds like a ride. Why not just take a chance and tell Seungmin? Worst case scenario is that you’ll get rejected, and then you could always tell your mother about the lying part then. Or just tell her you broke up, or something. Who knows - you and Seungmin could part ways as unlikely friends, or-” Felix wiggles his eyebrows and sidles up to the younger, bouncing closer to him on the mattress- “you may even fall in love.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin fake-gags. “No.” </p><p> </p><p>A freckled brow furrows into a cute pout. “You’re no fun.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll just tell my mother that I panicked or something - I’m not gonna drag Seungmin into this after meeting him <em> once </em>. He’s the campus bad boy, as cliche as it sounds! It’s for the best that we all forget this rumour even started.” It’s stupid, really, how messily out of hand it’s gotten already, and Jeongin doesn’t even know how many people will have heard about it yet. </p><p> </p><p>Curse his own timing for calling his mother <em> right </em> as Felix was due to come round. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>It’s two hours later when the shrill ringing of Jeongin’s phone makes himself and Felix jump out of their skin in shock. The number is unknown, so Jeongin is hesitant about picking up, but after frantic prompting from Felix he presses the <em> accept call </em> button and raises the device back up to his ear, holding it cautiously as if something were about to leap right out and eat him up. </p><p> </p><p>“Jeongin?” Jeongin chokes on his spit. There’s no way that that’s--</p><p> </p><p>“Jeongin, you good?” Felix whacks him unhelpfully on the back a few times. “Who is it?” </p><p> </p><p>The person speaking into the phone is still there, voicing concerns about Jeongin’s sudden coughing fit. “Are you okay there?” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” Jeongin reigns his breathing back under control and exhales heavily. “Uhm… just to check, so to say - who’s calling?” </p><p> </p><p>Laughter on the other end. “It’s Kim Seungmin.” </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Put it on speaker!” </em> Felix is mouthing, trying to grab the phone from Jeongin’s hands himself. Jeongin yanks his whole body away from his hyperactive friend and does it himself, miming zipping up his lips and then dragging his fingers across his neck in warning for if Felix decides to make a single sound. Felix nods solemnly. </p><p> </p><p>“How - how did you get my number?” Jeongin is perplexed. One minute Felix comes sprinting in with the apparent knowledge that Jeongin and Seungmin are dating, and the next minute Seungmin’s suddenly acquired his number out of nowhere? If Jeongin hasn’t started growing grey hairs by the end of today he’ll be more than surprised. </p><p> </p><p>“You gave it to me last night?” Seungmin sounds puzzled too, now. “I told you to call me if you needed anything, but you didn’t. Which is fine. But I was wondering if you’re feeling alright after everything that happened.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin gave Seungmin his number? That’s one detail of the night he definitely does <em> not </em> remember. How could he forget that? When did he even <em> do </em> that? </p><p> </p><p>“Uh--”</p><p> </p><p>“Is now not a good time?” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin stares at Felix, silently flailing his free arm about, and Felix flails back, neither quite knowing what to do. Felix’s furious gesture to the phone prompts Jeongin to reply. </p><p> </p><p>“No, now’s okay,” Jeongin forces out, as Felix pulls on his arm and silently screams. Jeongin’s glaring does nothing to silence him. “Uh, not to sound rude, but why are you calling?” </p><p> </p><p>“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright after last night? It was probably quite scary and you were quite tipsy - uh, what’s that sound?” </p><p> </p><p>“Nothing!” Jeongin slaps Felix’s hands away from where they’re smacking at his legs repeatedly. “Just my friend. And I’m fine, thank you for walking me back last night. And for stepping in with that group of guys before it could get any worse.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it’s no problem,” Seungmin says, and for once, Felix isn’t distracting Jeongin too much, and he’s suddenly struck with the realisation of just how pleasant Seungmin’s voice is to listen to. Soft, gentle. Definitely not suited for someone with a reputation for violence. “I’m sorry if they made you uncomfortable with anything they did or said.”</p><p> </p><p>Felix chortles, and Jeongin makes the same throat motion at him again, making him grin and close his mouth again. “Uhm, yeah. About that - apparently there’s already a rumour going around that we’re… dating?” </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin hums at that, and doesn’t reply instantly. Felix stares holes into Jeongin whilst they await his response. </p><p> </p><p>“Is there? It’s just a silly rumour, it’ll die out on its own. I doubt it’s spread very far.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it kind of has. My mother knows about it too, funny right?” Jeongin says quietly. “She… she actually wants to meet you.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Damn, that was fast, </em> ” Felix whispers. <em> “No buildup or anything?” </em></p><p> </p><p>“I panicked,” Jeongin mouths back, back to gesturing so wildly that his phone almost slips from his clammy grip. </p><p> </p><p>“I think at this point this is something that would be best discussed in person, perhaps?” Seungmin offers, voice laced with something unreadable. “It’s harder to focus when I can only hear your voice.” </p><p> </p><p>“Y-yeah, okay,” Jeongin stammers, and Felix slides off the bed, landing in a crumpled heap on the floor. “When?” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m on the roof of the arts building, so you can come and join me now if you want to.”</p><p> </p><p>“I - alright.” Nodding once to himself, Jeongin stands up and steps over a wide-eyed Felix. “I’m on my way.” He hangs up. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Bitch </em>,” Felix yells, “NOW?! That was fast - I mean, there’s hope? He didn’t immediately reject the idea. I’m coming with.” </p><p> </p><p>“You are <em> not </em> coming with,” Jeongin warns him as he pulls a woolen sweater over his shirt. “ <em> Hey, my mother wants to meet you because of a dating rumour she thinks is real and also, I’ve brought my best friend who started this endeavour so he can watch us discuss it? </em>Hell no.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Felix huffs, “but I’m going to plant myself right here-” he crosses his legs and sits adamantly on the floor- “until you come back.” </p><p> </p><p><em> Alright </em>, Jeongin thinks; this he can agree to. Before he can talk himself out of it, he pockets his phone and walks out of the door with a final wave to Felix, walking on automatic to the arts building, around ten minutes away from his dorm. How he’ll get up on the roof is another mystery - why is Seungmin up there in the first place? - but he’ll figure it out, somehow. </p><p> </p><p>To tell the truth, he only acted out of pure panic when Seungmin called - he has no idea of his personality, and the only thing he knows about the other boy is that he gets into fights, and -- Jeongin shudders a little -- has a reputation for disobedience and violence. </p><p> </p><p>He can only hope that this meeting will go well. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>When Jeongin finally figures out the way to access the arts roof, he’s pleasantly surprised to find that it’s not dangerous at all - it’s just like the top tier of a multi-storey parking lot. He spots Seungmin easily, not having to look at all for the other boy doing laps around the roof on his skateboard. He hops off as soon as he sees Jeongin, though, running a hand through wind-mussed locks as he picks up his board and sets it next to the wall. </p><p> </p><p>Trying not to openly stare at the obviously fresh cut on Seungmin’s brow and the bruises that litter his knees under the rips of his jeans - not to mention his <em> knuckles </em> - Jeongin greets him politely and waits for the appropriate returning greeting.</p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t come.</p><p> </p><p>“So let’s get straight to it, did I hear you correctly when you said that your mother somehow thinks we’re dating and wants to meet me?” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin blinks, once, twice, and a final long eye-closure before he simply stares for a further second. Getting shit done, this man does <em> not </em> beat about the bush, apparently. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh - yeah. I’m so sorry, you absolutely don’t have to - Felix came into my dorm yelling about the rumour whilst I was calling my mother, and then-”</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I’m just puzzled - you want to go through with this?” </p><p> </p><p>Wincing, Jeongin runs a hand through his hair as he tries to word his response correctly. The upfront, brazen attitude of the boy standing in front of him is <em> not </em> helping his patience right now. “I - I really don’t know. But my mother does think I’m dating somebody called Seungmin now, because I panicked and didn’t deny it.” </p><p> </p><p>“She supports you dating another guy?” </p><p> </p><p>Visibly bristling, Jeongin pulls his jumper sleeves down over his hands, dragging the wool over his knuckles tightly. “Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin blinks again. His thoughts race with the implication of the statement, spoken so casually by Seungmin, a simple throwaway comment - but if Jeongin looks extra hard into his eyes, can he really see hints of masked pain locked away there? He nods slowly, carefully. “You like guys too?”</p><p> </p><p>Laughter follows his statement from the boy standing in front of him. “You seem to have forgotten the reason for last night’s near-fight.” </p><p> </p><p>Oh… yeah. </p><p> </p><p>A rough wind blows crisped leaves swirling around their feet and sends goosebumps to Jeongin’s arms. He wraps his arms around himself for protection. </p><p> </p><p>“So. What are the options here?” Seungmin presses. “Do you need me to come home with you and meet your family at one point to keep up a facade of dating somebody, or did you just want to let me know that your mother thinks we’re dating now?” there’s a certain twinkle in his eye, and Jeongin isn’t sure whether to confuse it with menace or not. </p><p> </p><p>“I… It’s a lot to ask, but I really don’t want to disappoint her,” Jeongin mumbles, refusing to lift his eyes from the ground. “My mother… she really wants to see me happy with someone, and was… <em> ecstatic </em> when she heard Felix say I was dating somebody.” </p><p> </p><p>“So why not get somebody else to play a Seungmin?” </p><p> </p><p><em>Because I’m trying to take risks and break free of this perfect-boy persona, and there’s no </em><b><em>risk</em></b> <em>if I’m not throwing myself into this headfirst.</em></p><p> </p><p>“That would feel like doubly lying to her, and I don’t even know if I can do <em> this </em> much.” Short, clipped words that still hold more truth than he’d like to admit, even to himself. More than anything, Jeongin wants to back out, retrace his steps and erase all memory of this awkward mess from existence and just <em> tell his mother the truth </em> because really, none of this is worth it. A simple explanation should suffice, and she’d probably understand… he just really doesn’t want to disappoint her; can’t bear the thought of seeing the disappointment flutter across her face as he tells her that her excitement was for nothing. </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin’s entire life has been filled with achievements; mostly academic-wise. He’s so used to seeing his mother smile and be proud of him that the idea of failing her in any way, when she’s done so much for him, fills him with a sick feeling of dread. </p><p> </p><p>Telling her that he <em> lied to her </em>? He could hardly bear to think of it. </p><p> </p><p>“It was an accident, but… I still lied to her. I couldn’t disappoint her…” </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin seems to take pity on him then, and clears his throat, picking his skateboard back up and passing it from hand to hand. “I’ll help you.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin’s head shoots up. “You will?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes. But not as strangers. You said she expects you at home at Christmas - we have two months to become friends. I refuse to come with you if I know nothing about you.” </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Fair play. Jeongin thinks he can do that. “Okay.” </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>From there, things seem to improve. </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin walks back to his dorm not long afterwards, finding Felix in the exact same position he’d left him in, and complaining about how stiff his bones felt after staying in the same position for so long. (After he’d stopped laughing Jeongin had called him a dumbass for not getting comfortable somewhere less taxing on his body.)</p><p> </p><p>The one thing different to before is the act of Jeongin vowing to never do anything as drastic as this again - there are <em> plenty </em> more ways to break free of his internalised labels than throwing himself head-first into a combination of deceiving his family, who he loves more than anything in the world, and getting a <em> fake boyfriend </em>. What in the world has he gotten himself into?</p><p> </p><p>After saving Seungmin’s contact to prevent future confusing mishaps like the one that morning, Jeongin had let the elder come to him, not wanting to get too involved too fast; he was cautious, but felt he couldn’t be blamed for the fact - he knew of Seungmin’s reputation, and although he was literally getting caught up with him with the whole fake-dating at Christmas deal, he wanted to test the waters first. You can never be too careful. </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin messages him two days after their meeting. </p><p> </p><p><b>Kim Seungmin:</b> So I was thinking we could meet soon. To get to know one another a little better. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Jeongin snorts at the full grammar. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p><b>Yang Jeongin: </b>yh sounds good</p><p><b>Yang Jeongin:</b> where and when?</p><p> </p><p><b>Kim Seungmin:</b> The cafeteria on campus in an hour?</p><p><b>Yang Jeongin:</b> sounds good </p><p> </p><p>Standing up and stretching, feeling the pleasant pop of his spine as he finally stands straight, Jeongin checks the time on his phone, deciding an hour gives him perfect time to shower beforehand. He hadn’t showered yet; had chosen to have a lazy study day and shower at night instead, but if he’s going to leave his dorm he may as well shower beforehand. An hour later he’s freshly clean, hair damp and set to dry in the autumn air, and he’s dressed in a preppy outfit consisting of dark pants and a comfortable yellow jumper, half-tucked in. He chooses to wear his circular-framed glasses today too, not wanting to wear contacts this time around. </p><p> </p><p>Fifty-three minutes after their arrangement Jeongin finds himself sitting in the cafeteria, sitting at one of the long tables next to the window, which he chooses to people-watch out of in favour of scanning the room for Seungmin. He hasn’t bought anything to eat or drink yet; happy to simply sit and exist for a while before the object of today’s socialising arrives. </p><p> </p><p>Ten minutes after he arrives, a presence slides into the seat opposite him, and he tears his gaze away from the trees going through abscission and takes in Seungmin’s appearance instead.</p><p> </p><p>It’s incredibly safe to say that the latter contrasts him a great deal: his black ripped jeans are hidden from sight beneath the table but his feet are clad in inches-high platform boots, giving him another unfair advantage in height, and Jeongin eyes the oversized black shirt he has tucked into his jeans with silent admiration. He looks scary, at least to Jeongin, but it looks good, as reluctant as he is to admit it. </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin is like a black hole: dark, dangerous, all-consuming; yet, no matter how scared Jeongin feels of him, he is inescapably drawn in.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Seungmin greets simply, and as he moves around to get comfy, the numerous silver chains around his neck flash in the artificial light shining from the ceiling. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” Jeongin offers an awkward, tight-lipped smile. “You don’t have your board with you today.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not allowed to bring it inside anymore,” Seungmin scowls, looking somewhat angry about the fact. “You skate down the hallway <em> once </em> and suddenly you’re a danger to others and campus property.”</p><p> </p><p>The image of Seungmin skateboarding into one of his lectures flashes across Jeongin’s mind, and he has to bite back a grin as his mind wanders to the possibility of him colliding with a papers-laden teacher. That would certainly be a sight, as harmful as the reality of it may be if anybody got physically ran into. </p><p> </p><p>Talking to Seungmin is somewhat easier than Jeongin had anticipated, and although he could tell that both of them tried to keep more personal details to themselves, and Seungmin was clearly as unwilling to reveal more deep aspects about himself as Jeongin was, he found that he was relatively easy to get along with. It’s a pleasant feeling; if they can continue on this way, perhaps Christmas will still be a rather pleasant affair so long as Seungmin tones down the whole <em> bad boy </em> thing a little. It’s nothing that can’t be fixed.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing more is spoken about the arrangement at present, and after an hour or so of talking, Jeongin finds Seungmin decidedly less intimidating than his sharp gaze originally suggests. He still wouldn’t voluntarily interact if not for their situation, but perhaps that’s because of his harsh demeanour. </p><p> </p><p>Besides. Jeongin doesn’t really talk to many people who aren’t in his classes in the first place, as long as you discount his friends. </p><p> </p><p>They part ways that day as unlikely just-about-more-than-acquaintances: the boy with straight A’s and unassuming disposition, and the boy in ripped black clothing covered in fight-caused injuries. Black on yellow, a striking contrast… </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Yet a beautiful combination, in more ways than one, and more than either of them yet realise. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
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</p><p><b>Kim Seungmin: </b>Hey, yesterday was fun. We should hang out again.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Jeongin sighs as his phone vibrates, picking it up to see Seungmin’s name glaring at him through his screen. He sighs again, choosing to reply instead of ignoring before he goes back to studying.</p><p> </p><p><b>Yang Jeongin:</b> cant rn, sorry. studying</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>He assumes that’ll be enough to deter the elder boy, seeing as they’re only just acquainted.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>It isn’t.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p><b>Kim Seungmin:</b> You study a lot, huh? </p><p> </p><p><b>Yang Jeongin:</b> and you don’t? </p><p><br/>
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</p><p><b>Kim Seungmin:</b> I’m not the one with a reputation for straight A’s in my classes.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Huh. A reputation? Jeongin knows that university is nowhere near as clique-y and gossip-full as highschool is, but the thought of him having a reputation among his classmates, most of whom he’s hardly spoken to, admittedly draws a laugh from him. </p><p> </p><p><b>Yang Jeongin:</b> hmm nice </p><p><b>Yang Jeongin:</b> either way im still studying, sorry :/ another time? </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>It’s still October, and although termly exams start during December, right before everybody is due to pack up and leave for Christmas -- or stay if they prefer -- Jeongin knows he needs to stay ahead in his studies. He knows all too well what will happen if he falls behind: it means only disappointment, both in himself and from his professors. </p><p> </p><p>He shudders at the thought. Jeongin would <em> really </em> rather not experience disappointment from his elders, if he can help it.</p><p> </p><p>Switching his phone fully off, he shakes his head and gets back to studying. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>It’s around two hours later when Jeongin is disturbed again, this time by his stomach rumbling. He stretches, groaning loudly, and slumps over his desk, eyes drooping with the weight that staring at pages of text for hours on end brings. His minifridge is depressingly empty, and he needs a break from studying to eat and take care of himself anyway - so he grabs his phone and wallet, switching his phone back on as he goes as he toes on some shoes and walks out of the dormitory building to the nearest convenience store.</p><p> </p><p>October weather also means that it falls darker earlier, bringing with it the stinging chill of nighttime. As the nights get longer, the barrier between earth and space falls away, and Jeongin finds himself standing on a street corner, empty stomach ignored for the time being, and simply gazing up into the sky. </p><p> </p><p>He curses light pollution for existing. <em> Oh, to exist back in the good old times, where light pollution didn’t exist and access to the cosmos was only limited by your own eyesight. </em>Jeongin loves his university’s location, really he does - but for admiring the stars, living in a city has its disadvantages. Christmas really will bring more blessings than one in the way that his family’s annual celebration destination is in a beautiful location away from the city, and therefore away from any light pollution. Laying in the snow watching the stars is a limiting experience in terms of temperature, but for those few minutes that you can bear laying there, Jeongin thinks he’s never seen anything so beautiful. </p><p> </p><p>A car whizzes past in a cold-blooded pursuit of a life Jeongin has no idea about, and he’s broken out of his reverie. Wrapping his coat tightly around himself, he shivers and breathes out a puff of air that hangs in the air incandescently before vining slowly out into the darkness. He shoulders on, keeping close to streetlights at all times to aid safety and vision. </p><p> </p><p>It’s only once Jeongin reaches the convenience store itself that he begins to hear signs of other human life. His journey had been surprisingly devoid thus far, broken only by speeding cars and the pat-pat-pat of his own footsteps, but now, once nearer to the hollow, shelves-filled block of concrete full of half-nutritional goodness -- if you’re lucky -- the calm serenity of the night is suddenly full of shouts and blows. </p><p> </p><p>Honestly, Jeongin has no energy to deal with finding out whoever’s involved. Tonight, he has one agenda: enter the store, stick up on snacks and ramen, and then <em> leave </em>. Perhaps he’s studied enough today… watching a new show tonight would be nice. </p><p> </p><p>Once the glass door opens and shuts smoothly behind him, the sounds of whatever fight or argument was happening outside fades away, and Jeongin lets himself relax again, scouring shelves for his favourite brands. He really should have grabbed a basket on the way in; his arms soon piling high with snacks balanced precariously on top of one another and wobbling dangerously. He speedwalks over to the counter and dumps everything in one go, smiling sheepishly at the cashier who regards him with badly-masked amusement before she begins to scan each item one by one. </p><p> </p><p>The door flies open, and somebody stumbles in loudly, steps uncoordinated and heavy. Jeongin keeps his gaze firmly on the rapidly decreasing pile of food being scanned, focusing on the way each item is then placed into a paper bag with a crinkle and rustle. Slightly heavy breathing gets closer and closer to him, and he winces as the person, now directly behind him, forming a queue, inhales deeply to regulate their breaths. </p><p> </p><p>“That will be 22000 won,” the cashier says around a yawn, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Jeongin gathers the bag in his hands, holding it tightly for fear of it breaking, although the snacks inside hardly carry any weight, before turning heel and making a second of eye contact with the guy standing a little <em> too </em> close for comfort behind him. </p><p> </p><p>The man is still breathing heavily, and makes unbreaking eye contact, staring at Jeongin as he rolls his eyes and leaves the store sharpish, suppressing a shiver. As he steps back out into the night, he can just about make out the silhouette of a figure rolling away down the street on a skateboard, carrying an imperceptible air of familiarity about them. <em> Is that- </em> </p><p> </p><p>The figure turns a corner and vanishes. </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin stares into the empty space the person left in their wake before shivering again, and carrying on with his walk, speeding up to lessen the chance of a dangerous encounter. If that <em> was </em> Seungmin, then he only hopes that it wasn’t him fighting outside the convenience store. He wouldn’t wish injuries on anybody, apart from if they really deserved them, and surely Seungmin hadn’t done anything to deserve them? </p><p> </p><p>This triggers the realisation that, although he and Seungmin have spent a few hours together by now, Jeongin knows little to nothing about Seungmin’s real character. <em> Does </em> he do things worth getting hurt for? Will Jeongin ever find out? </p><p> </p><p>This time, it’s not fear or the chill of the night air that sends a shiver down Jeongin’s spine. </p><p> </p><p>But tonight, he ignores the acknowledgement and shoulders past the fleeting streetlights. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It’s a thought to process another time. Perhaps a few months into the future, once he’s forgotten all about it.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The weeks seem to pass quicker than usual following the initial mess of the party, followed by the whole <em> Seungmin events </em>, as Felix had ineloquently dubbed it. Suddenly the business that upcoming mock exams bring leave Jeongin feeling stunned, his breath thick in his lungs as he struggles through mountains of homework piled high on top of his studies and revision. It’s overwhelming, but he knows it would be much more so if he hadn’t started studying as early as he had - so really, he has it a lot easier than others who had procrastinated. For that, he counts himself lucky. </p><p> </p><p>Quickly, almost <em> too </em> quickly, it’s mid-November, and the warm-coloured flurry of autumn has begun to give way to a harsh winter; the chill of the summer sun taking her leave is replaced with a glacial bitterness that bites at Jeongin’s skin and fingertips, and the leaves falling to the ground darken and turn to mush on the ground as they mix with everyday rain and sleet. It’s not cold enough for snow yet, but Jeongin can feel that soon, the tarmac of pavements and scattering of final leaves from deciduous trees will be coated with a fresh layer of crisp white. </p><p> </p><p>There’s exactly three weeks to go until his exam week, and after that it’s goodbye to university for a while… and hello to the new hurdles that going home to his family, and bringing Seungmin with him, will bring. </p><p> </p><p>If Jeongin is being honest, the holiday thing sounds like a piece of cake compared to these damn exams, discounting Seungmin. <em> Focus on one thing first, and worry about Christmas later </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, you think so <em> loudly </em>,” Hyunjin comments, picking at his nails innocently across the table from Jeongin. The two of them are sitting in the cafeteria, leisurely nomming their way through dinner as the streetlights automatically flicker on outside. “Your thoughts are, like, bass-boosted.” </p><p> </p><p>“I hope they deafen you,” Jeongin returns sweetly, and Hyunjin’s face twists into betrayal, flicking a spoonful of rice over the table that lands with a satisfyingly moist sound as the sticky grains hit the younger right in the nose.</p><p> </p><p>“HEY!” Jeongin all but yells, outraged as he picks up a single noodle and sends it flying gracefully onto Hyunjin’s forehead, where it sticks for a few seconds, drawing a screech from the other. If there’s one good thing about the two of them, it’s their mutual impeccable aim when throwing things.</p><p> </p><p>The same can’t be said for Felix, unfortunately.</p><p> </p><p>“You two are so disruptive,” Jisung chides, bringing a tray of his own food to the table with a resounding <em> clang </em>. “It’s so sexy. Let me join.” </p><p> </p><p>“I was just commenting on Jeongin’s loud thoughts and he roasted me,” Hyunjin wails, clinging to Jisung dramatically - although Jeongin suspects that the skinship is less to do with physical comfort and more to do with using Jisung as a meatshield. </p><p> </p><p>“Deserved, you musty ass giraffe,” Jisung cackles, and screams as he ducks out of the way of another well-aimed spoonful of food. Across the cafeteria, a staff member shoots the table a glare, and Jeongin turns his back to them immediately, flushing under the embarrassment of being caught. As the two in front of him bicker, his thoughts flit back to his worries about Christmas, and what bringing Seungmin with him back home will entail.</p><p> </p><p>Over the past few weeks, in between classes and study - Jeongin feels that he has gotten to know Seungmin in a way that puts him a little more at ease around the intimidating delinquent. Sure, Seungmin is still threatening in his aura, and his clothing style combined with his tendency to get riled up in the face of others too easily makes him unpredictable to be around, but past that, Jeongin can feel a bond forming between the two of them. He’s not yet sure how far he’d like the bond to stretch, but for now, he’s comfortable with the idea of taking Seungmin back to meet his family. At this rate, he knows that it, at the very least, won’t be entirely awkward, and as his own nature is not one of provocation, he feels almost safe in the idea that Seungmin won’t initiate any fistfights. </p><p> </p><p>Skinship is a whole different matter, though. They’ll have to discuss that soon, as of <em> course </em> a (fake) relationship without skinship won’t look realistic or convincing at all. That’s a whole other barrier Jeongin will have to work on tearing down before approaching. </p><p> </p><p>Again, for now, Jeongin won’t think about it. That’s another problem for Future Jeongin to tackle. </p><p> </p><p>Almost like a strange form of telepathy, Jeongin’s phone buzzes twice in neat succession next to his plate. </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> I’m bored. Come and hang out with me.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Jeongin snorts loudly. The few weeks of cautious friendship so far have, admittedly, led to any sort of formalities diminishing faster than smoke on a windy day, along with Jeongin’s formal contact name for the elder boy. Seungmin had snatched his phone from his grip one day as he rode past on his skateboard, delivering a sneak attack from behind and editing his contact as Jeongin had screeched for it back. It had initially been changed to simply <em> puppy </em> , a strange but fitting ulterior name for him, but Jeongin had switched it up a little, to <em> puppy-looking bastard </em> , as the simple <em> puppy </em> connoted things far too tender than what laid within his comfort zone.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>Fake bf-to-be:</b> no.</p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> But you’re always studying :( and I want company.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Jeongin clearly isn’t studying right now, but Seungmin doesn’t need to know that.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>Fake bf-to-be:</b> maybe if you came and studied with me instead of vandalising my stuff</p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> But drawing on your notes is fun! More fun than learning things for exams in a corrupt ableist education system that exists solely to test the survival of the fittest in terms of students’ mental health and destroy those who can’t keep up</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Jeongin stares at the message, having to re-read everything around three times to make sense of the sentence. <em> Huh. He has a strong point, to be fair. </em> Considerably less annoyed about the doodles now messing up his neat study notes, he re-reads the message again.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>Fake bf-to-be:</b> damn</p><p><b>Fake bf-to-be:</b> u do have a point… have u ever considered motivational speaking </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> Absolutely not. But back to my initial point: come and join me for a while :) </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Jeongin’s smiling at his phone, <em> look </em>,” Jeongin suddenly heard, and his smile vanishes, head snapping up to see that Felix and Chan have joined the table without his notice, and that all four of his friends are smirking at him with equal amounts of ominous foreboding and evil plotting. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you want?” He scowls, and Felix cackles. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s got you all distracted when <em> this </em>,” Jisung gestures to himself extensively, “is right here in front of you?” </p><p> </p><p>“That’s more reason for Jeongin to look at his phone, ugly,” Felix deadpans, and Jisung gasps dramatically, falling back against nothing and drawing laughter from everyone watching as he realises there’s nothing behind him. His eyes bug wide as he shoots off the backless seat, crashing to the ground in an entanglement of limbs. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m okay!” he says weakly from the floor, and Chan <em> loses </em> the ability to form words, silently clapping through his laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Hyunjin, ever the opportunist, snatches Jeongin’s phone from the table amidst the laughter and scans the screen with wide eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“And who in the fuck is puppy-looking bastard?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” Chan scrambles up from his seat next to Jeongin and plants his entire body over the table, craning to see the screen instead of simply <em> asking to see the screen like a normal person would </em>. “Whomst?”</p><p> </p><p>“They want to meet you, Innie,” Felix wiggles his eyebrows at inhuman speeds, and for a second Hyunjin just stares, looking mildly concerned at the sight. Jeongin rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I said no.” </p><p> </p><p>“But who <em> is </em> it?” Chan implores desperately, sliding off the table again and winding his arms around Jeongin in a vice grip. Jeongin grunts and tries to wiggle away, but it’s no use; he’s convinced that Chan was an octopus in a past life because <em> damn </em> , he <em> swears </em> that man has more than two arms. </p><p> </p><p>“Seungmin. Now get off me if you value your food.” </p><p> </p><p>“<em> SEUNGMIN, </em>” Felix shrieks, and half of the cafeteria falls silent for a second, turning to look at the disturbance from their table. </p><p> </p><p>“Shut your mouth or I’ll take your food too,” Jeongin threatens. Felix grins and shovels a grotesque mouthful of food into his mouth before attempting to speak again, spraying half-chewed food all over the table and gaining grimaces from everybody else as at least two people try to hand him a napkin at once. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry -- your phone lit up again,” Felix wipes his mouth and grins innocently after swallowing his food. His bambi eyes have nothing on Jeongin’s suspicion. </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> Did your friend just yell my name across the entire cafeteria or am I hearing things? </p><p> </p><p>“Damn it, Lix,” Jeongin whines, fingers typing at the speed of light. “I don’t know where he is but he heard you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I see him - he’s sitting with someone else. I think his name is Minho?” Hyunjin points, not discreet at all in his actions, and like a tidal wave the entire table apart from Jeongin whip their heads around to blatantly stare. Indeed, the two are sitting together a handful of tables away, occupying a small table meant for two people only. Seungmin has his back turned to the table, but Minho stares holes into them from across the room, piercings glinting in the cheap lighting and eyes slightly narrowed. He looks focused; on what, no one can tell. Jeongin groans loudly and pushes his head into his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“This is more delicious than any food could ever be,” Jisung pushes his plate away and stares at the back of Jeongin’s phone, ready to snatch it back to his and Hyunjin’s side of the table to read the messages once Jeongin lets his guard back down. </p><p> </p><p><b>Fake bf-to-be: </b>ignore lix hes a lil shit </p><p><b>Fake bf-to-be:</b> and arent u sitting w minho? Watch ur mouth saying ur bored next time</p><p> </p><p>Chan snorts. “He just called you a little shit.” </p><p> </p><p>“He did <em> not! </em>” Felix gasps, scandalised. Jeongin’s phone buzzes not even a minute later. </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> Oh, he doesn’t take it personally. We live to roast each other.</p><p> </p><p>And another one, only a few seconds apart. </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> Your table seems to be gathering quite the amount of limelight, I see.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you all be quiet for just <em> one minute </em>,” Jeongin threatens. The table falls eerily silent, but everybody’s matching grins offsets the vibe by miles. </p><p> </p><p><b>Fake bf-to-be:</b> ignore the rest of them too theyre lil shits</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Treachery </em>,” Chan whispers, but otherwise the table stays silent as Jeongin locks his phone and picks up his spoon again. </p><p> </p><p>“Anyway. Shall we resume?” sickly sweet tones accompany Jeongin’s widely fake smile, and Hyunjin snorts as everyone takes the hint and goes back to eating. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Despite the series of events, Jeongin doesn’t  end up meeting Seungmin that night, having suffered enough in the cafeteria. Thankfully, Seungmin doesn’t push it. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The embarrassment of the cafeteria event got to Jeongin more than he’d like to admit, if he’s completely honest. He’s usually not one to let trivial things bother him, especially not to do with his loud friends, but there’s something about the huge deal being made about the whole Seungmin ordeal that puts Jeongin slightly on edge. Either way - it prevents him from voluntarily meeting the other boy for a good few days, throwing himself into his studies just that little bit more as an excuse to leave texts on delivered. It’s a fair argument, really - now that exams are just two weeks ago he really <em> does </em> have to start cramming the last details. </p><p> </p><p>It’s exactly four days later when he finally realises how stupid he’s being and actually answers the messages he’s received. </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> Your friends seem cool. Close-knit, I mean. You’re obviously all very close.</p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> Even if none of them are subtle… at all…</p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> But regardless, you don’t have to come and hang out if you don’t want to. But the offer stands, I want to know you as best I can before we have to spend Christmas together.</p><p> </p><p>No more messages. Jeongin sighs, running a hand through his hair. At this point, he feels rude replying at all, but the lack of messages in the following days tell Jeongin that Seungmin might be giving him space to reply on his own - and besides, as much as he hates approaching the topic, Seungmin’s right. They need to know quite a bit about each other to fake an entire relationship. </p><p> </p><p><b>Fox boy:</b> hey ive been studying im sorry i didnt reply</p><p><b>Fox boy:</b> we can meet today if u want? </p><p> </p><p>The reply is instantaneous. </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> Sure! Where and when?</p><p> </p><p><b>Fox boy:</b> by the trees outside the english block? Half an hour?</p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking bastard:</b> Cool. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“How’s the studying going?” is the first thing Seungmin says as he, predictably, skateboards up behind Jeongin, the satisfying sound of wheels against tarmac accompanying a fleeting tap on the shoulder as he speeds past and curves around Jeongin to notify the younger of his presence. Jeongin pulls out his earbuds and watches as Seungmin skids to a halt, hopping off the board and stepping on the end so that he can pick it up without bending down. The hand he uses to steady the board is littered with fresh injuries, and Jeongin looks away quickly. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s going okay,” he opts to say instead of addressing the obvious injuries, knowing it’s not his place to vocalise physical concerns just yet. “Have you been studying?” </p><p> </p><p>It only just hit Jeongin that he doesn’t even know what Seungmin studies in the first place. </p><p> </p><p>“A little,” Seungmin winces, rolling the board on its edge in small circles. “I study literature, so I mostly need to memorise quotes, comments from critics and historical context for each of the texts and poems we study. The critical comments are the hardest.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Jeongin wouldn’t have taken Seungmin for a lit student... not that he’d thought about it before, but Seungmin struck him as more of a…. Well, he really didn’t know. What do ‘bad boys’ usually study? Maths? “Which texts are you studying for exams?”</p><p> </p><p>“For these exams specifically we’re being tested on a play, <em> The Duchess of Malfi </em>, and comparing it to a production of our choosing. It doesn’t help that I skipped a few classes this term anyway.” Seungmin cackles. “But they were worth the tricks I learned at the skatepark.” </p><p> </p><p><em> He skips classes too, huh </em> , Jeongin thinks. <em> It doesn’t come as too much of a surprise. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright though,” Seungmin carries on, oblivious to Jeongin’s whirring thoughts, “because literature comes to me easily. I don’t have to try too hard to memorise themes, meanings or quotes, which I’m very lucky for.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin stays silent. As silly as it sounds, he feels rendered speechless. </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin smirks at his silence. “Oh, wait, before I forget to ask again. How long am I being expected to visit with you at Christmas?” </p><p> </p><p>“Uhm, we usually stay for three weeks. But you don’t have to stay for that long if you don’t want to, I’m sure you have your own family events to attend,” Jeongin says. Seungmin inhales slowly, shaking his head. </p><p> </p><p>“Nope, I have no family events to attend. How long am I going to be welcome for?”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, so he’s conscious of overstaying? Jeongin suddenly feels a little guilty for his clippedness now that Seungmin is showing such interest in being courteous. The feeling of regret crawls through his veins with cold, slimy hands. He hadn’t really thought about the timeframe at all, all things considered: he’d automatically assumed Seungmin would stay the whole time. </p><p> </p><p>“I mean, my family won’t mind you staying the entire three weeks. How come you’re not seeing your own family? Are they too far away?” </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin’s face darkens. “Yeah. Something like that.” </p><p> </p><p><em> Oh. </em> Jeongin couldn’t imagine not spending Christmas with family - and perhaps this gives him a boost of empathy and generosity towards the other, struggling to push aside his internalised prejudices. <em> You’re being so stupid, Jeongin. He’s human too. </em> “Well, you’re welcome to stay the entire three weeks, if you’d like. There’s plenty of room.” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re sure?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin exhales, his breath interspersing into the air between them. “Absolutely.” </p><p> </p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It’s so strange, how both good and bad elements of life act as a remote for the concept of time.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Speeding it up, pressing pause, pressing play, rewinding… only to fast forward once more.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The fabric of time is but a social construct, unseen hands warping each second from nanoseconds into hours, into days even… hours exams fly by in a heartbeat and before you know what’s happening, everything is almost over and you’re sitting warm on your bed thinking, where did the time go? Do I have time to prepare for my next one? Everything has gone by so fast I can hardly remember preparing in the first place. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Months of revision and studying, gone in a flash. Exams, gone even faster. And with it, the looming event of Christmas, a time of stress and joy peacefully coexisting in the cold weather, rears its beautiful head before you even realise it’s in front of you.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Bang. It’s almost here.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Are you ready for it?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>One week to go until the ceremonious ending of term for Christmas break, and with it comes the terrifying reality that Jeongin has one week to go until he sees his family, and with them, Seungmin. Exams are almost completely over now; Jeongin has one more to go until he’s completely free, and can finally spend some time unwinding and spending some solid hours with his friends before they depart for the season. </p><p> </p><p>His last exam passes like a breeze, but it doesn’t stop the unanimous weight of exhaustion, both physical and mental, descending onto Jeongin’s shoulders as soon as the relief of being done with his exams ascends off them. He sighs loudly, rolling his head so that his neck cracks with a satisfying <em> pop </em> as he walks out of the exam hall, fully ready to make a beeline straight for his bed. <em> Oh, the sweet release of sleep. </em></p><p> </p><p>And sleep he does - Jeongin <em> just </em> manages to remember to toe off his shoes before throwing himself face-first onto his bed, not even bothering to pull his duvet up and over himself before he passes out asleep, where he lays, unmoving, until <em> late </em> into the night. He can’t even bring himself to regret it when he wakes up, simply laughing at the time, <em> 2:34 am </em>, and sitting up, deciding to make some cup ramen to keep his stomach from bothering him before he’ll lay back and attempt to sleep until the morning. </p><p> </p><p>The only flavour he has left is the spicy kind, but there’s nothing else in his cupboards at the moment, so Jeongin resigns himself to staying awake with bloated cheeks for the next few hours whilst his out-of-sync body tries to get its head around the concept of chilli pepper-hot noodles at such an odd time. It’s this, or feeling unwell due to not eating, and having slept <em> quite a bit </em> since his last exam, Jeongin’s happy to mess up his sleep schedule for a few days in the name of some satisfyingly hot mouthfuls of <em> no nutritional value </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Whilst the ramen is cooking on the semi-functional, university-supplied stove, Jeongin pulls his phone out of his pocket, thankful that both sound and vibrate mode had been kept switched off due to his exams, or else judging by the insane amount of notifications he would <em> not </em> have slept as well as he just had. </p><p> </p><p>He has several from his group chat consisting of himself, Jisung, Chan, Hyunjin and Felix - what a mouthful - and then a few from outside the group chat, namely from Chan and Felix. And… also from Seungmin. </p><p> </p><p>He opens those first. </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking Bastard:</b> Hey, your exams are over now right?</p><p><b>Puppy-looking Bastard:</b> I hope they went well. Would you like to hang out soon again? I have more questions regarding Christmas.</p><p> </p><p><em> Oh yeah </em> , Jeongin realises - they still have a <em> lot </em> of guidelines and boundaries to set, not to mention the room arrangements Jeongin’s parents had made for the two. That’s a conversation in itself, nevermind everything else: and one that had best be done after a good night’s sleep. </p><p> </p><p>Although, really, hadn’t Jeongin <em> just </em> gotten a <em> lovely </em>, long sleep in? The only question would be whether Seungmin is also awake. Sue Jeongin, something about being awake at such an odd hour of the morning makes him feel a little more confident in his actions than usual.</p><p> </p><p><b>Fox boy:</b> yeah theyre over thank u</p><p><b>Fox boy:</b> and yh… i forgot abt those details up until now OOPS,, i mean im free now if you are</p><p> </p><p>The reply is instantaneous. Jeongin doesn’t know whether or not to feel surprised.</p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking Bastard</b>: Nice. Meet outside your dorm building? </p><p> </p><p><em> How do you know where my dorm building is, </em> Jeongin thinks, scandalised, before he slaps himself mentally - it’s not hard to work out where one’s dorm is when there are two blocks of buildings in the first place. Get spotted going into one doorway once and bam, you’ve successfully worked it out - and Jeongin wouldn’t be surprised if he and Seungmin share a building, either. The handful of times they’ve managed to hang out in the past few weeks gives quite easy ways of spotting which way the other would walk on their respective ways back to their dorm rooms - it’s not hard to work out. </p><p> </p><p><b>Fox boy:</b> hang on i just gotta eat this ramen rlly quick </p><p> </p><p><b>Puppy-looking Bastard: </b>No problem. Take your time.</p><p> </p><p>Bubbling away on the stove, the ramen is already nearing readiness, and Jeongin pulls a change of clothes out of his drawers whilst it simmers for the last few minutes, not wanting to be seen outside in his wrinkled, slept-in clothes. </p><p> </p><p>Seen by <em> who </em>, exactly? It’s dark outside and there’s bound to be little, if any, people outside apart from Seungmin. </p><p> </p><p>And it’s not like Jeongin cares for Seungmin’s opinion.</p><p> </p><p>He picks out a fresh pair of sweats and his favourite hoodie anyway, opting for glasses instead of putting contacts in at the pointless hour of two am. (Thank goodness he’d worn glasses to his final exam, too, because he definitely would have forgotten to remove his contacts before sleeping. And that would have been <em> disastrous </em>.) </p><p> </p><p>If he shovels the piping hot ramen, mouthful by mouthful, into his body and inhales it like it’s his last day on earth, well, there’s nobody there to judge him! He just doesn’t want to keep <em> anyone </em> waiting in the cold outside for longer than he can help. That’s it. </p><p> </p><p>Hot-footing it down the stairs two at a time, Jeongin rounds the corner directly to the right of the front entrance to his dorm building only to come face-to-face with Kim Seungmin himself, scaring him so suddenly that he yelps in fright, making Seungmin cackle with laughter. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s me, who else would it be?” He squeezes out through his mirth, and Jeongin narrows his eyes, feigning anger. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s two am, it could have been anyone! Why were you hiding like that?” </p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t hiding, you just weren’t looking enough,” Seungmin dismisses, standing up straight and beginning to walk away, gesturing with his head for Jeongin to follow. “Come on.”</p><p> </p><p>“No skateboard tonight?” </p><p> </p><p>“It echoes too much at night. I don’t wanna accidentally keep people up with the noise,” Seungmin waves it off, and Jeongin’s being seems to internally stop for a second. <em> Oh. </em> </p><p> </p><p>That’s actually… really kind. Considerate, even. It’s a lovely thing to think about, really…</p><p> </p><p>“So where are you taking me, skateboard-less man?” Cover up the thoughts with lowkey teasing. Works a charm. </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin grins devilishly, lip piercing glinting in the moonlight, and Jeongin shivers involuntarily. “Oh, just your murder location.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, I knew it,” Jeongin deadpans. “I could feel it in my bones.” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, no, but there are better places than <em> outside </em> to sit and talk at two in the morning. Unless you want to sit down out here in the cold?” Oh, Jeongin <em> likes </em> this snarky side of Seungmin more than he thought he would. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, I don’t know. Sitting on the frosty concrete sounds like an amazing way to go.” </p><p> </p><p>“Not allowed. We’re going to my dorm room,” Seungmin finally announces, and Jeongin scoffs. </p><p> </p><p>“We could have gone back up to mine! Why’d you walk all the way over here?” </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin pauses, waits, walks again, much to Jeongin’s chagrin. “I like midnight walks. They’re soothing.” </p><p> </p><p><em> Soothing </em> . They are, really: Seungmin has a point. The solitude of the night when everybody else is sleeping, the knowledge that you’re likely the only person out here under the stars as everything else slows to a halt, rendering you to simply <em> exist </em> with no expectations… it’s as soothing to the soul as a good lo fi playlist. </p><p> </p><p>Talking as they walk, Seungmin keeps Jeongin’s mind occupied for their entire journey to the other side of campus, where Seungmin’s dorm is presumably located - it had <em> better </em> be where they’re headed, because the cold is beginning to really sink into Jeongin’s system through his frustratingly thin hoodie, considering the temperatures, and he wants nothing more than to get inside a nice, warm building again. </p><p> </p><p>“... and I was telling Minho the other day -- you know Minho, right Jeongin?” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin nods slowly. “I think so. Dark hair, cat eyes, was sitting with you that time my friends were yelling about you in the cafeteria?” </p><p> </p><p>“The very same. Anyway, I was telling him about the whole fake-relationship thing, and he said it was the strangest thing he’d ever heard in his life - which… which is funny because he’s actually Deaf, I should have checked whether you knew about that before telling you this story, actually. It would have been a lot more funny.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin <em> didn’t </em> know that. "Minho's Deaf?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yep, with a capital D. Deaf since birth. Which makes it <em> funny </em> , because he said it was the strangest thing he’d ever <em> heard </em>.” </p><p> </p><p>Slowly beginning to laugh, Jeongin can see the humour in that. “So, you know sign language? Or do you guys text to communicate?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I learned sign language once we became friends, yeah.” Throwing open the door to his dorm building, Seungmin steps aside to let Jeongin in first. Courteous. “I think I’ve gotten pretty good these past few years.” </p><p> </p><p>“You learned it specially for him?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Seungmin sounds confused now, as they pass the elevator - <em> lift closed, </em> it says with sharpie-inked paper tacked onto the door - “he had no other friends apart from his interpreter, which would clearly get pretty lonely. Wouldn’t you learn it too, if one of your friends needed it?” </p><p> </p><p>The question reverberates up and down the empty corridor, and in the artificial, harsh lighting of the building Jeongin can clearly see the fresh wounds on Seungmin’s knuckles. But for the first time, he chooses not to focus on the physical reminders of Seungmin’s less-than-pacified hobbies. The question that the boy in question just uttered surrounds Jeongin in endless waves instead, bouncing from wall to wall of his skull in quick, irritating succession. <em> Would you do it too? </em> </p><p> </p><p>Huh. Jeongin hadn’t considered that side of it. “Yeah, of course,” He says, and as Seungmin smiles at him before launching into another animated story of his and Minho’s endeavours since becoming friends, a sudden thought cascades down onto Jeongin’s head, almost knocking him out with its sheer weight and strength.</p><p> </p><p><em> This entire time </em> , Jeongin thinks incredulously, <em> this whole time I’ve been so preoccupied with trying to break free of my own internalised labels, but in doing so I’ve been projecting all sorts of labels onto Seungmin. </em>He resists the urge to sigh and kick himself, shame bleeding into his being through every pore and follicle he’s aware of having. </p><p> </p><p>He’s so <em> stupid </em> - this entire time he’s been thinking, <em> disruptive </em> , <em> skateboarder, fighter, </em>and immediately pushing Seungmin into a tiny, handheld box of labels that accumulate to only his general reputation: that of a bad boy. </p><p> </p><p>But this Seungmin: the one who walks so lightly beside Jeongin that he’s almost skipping; the one who listens to Chopin and Mozart and the occasional bout of Weki Meki; the person who visibly inflates with excitement when talking about the texts he studies in class and about the most recent connection he’s made to them in real-life events -- </p><p> </p><p><em> God, </em> Jeongin has been so <em> stupid. </em></p><p> </p><p>Kind, empathetic, understanding Seungmin. Seungmin who learned sign language to the point of flawless fluency so that he could befriend Minho and communicate with him more easily. </p><p> </p><p>Kim Seungmin, the boy who’s finally managed to unknowingly prove to Jeongin that people really can be more than one thing, and that labels are absolutely <em> shit </em> compared to what people really are on the inside. </p><p> </p><p>The realisation dawns on him like the sunrise after a thousand days of nighttime, and Jeongin finds himself listening to Seungmin’s ramblings with even more vigour than last time - because he’ll be absolutely <em> damned </em> if he’s ever going to internalise, or project, the idea of <em> labels </em> onto himself, or anybody else, ever, ever again. </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin is like a black hole: and upon tonight’s further inspection and study, Jeongin finds that he’s so much more beautiful than terrifying after all.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“So <em> you mean to tell me, </em> ” Hyunjin all but gasps the next day, “that not only did you go and meet Seungmin at <em> two in the morning </em> , but you also went to his <em> dorm room </em> and <em> stayed there, </em> talking until the sun came up?” he throws himself backwards onto his bed and makes a strangulated noise in the back of his throat. </p><p> </p><p>The elder had found Jeongin trying (read: failing, once Hyunjin appeared) to exit the dorm building an hour earlier, at eight o’clock, and had grabbed him, immediately messaging Felix and Jisung to join them in Hyunjin’s room asap. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>(<em> “What are you doing exiting this building so early in the morning, dear Jeongie?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Ugh, let me go!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Not until you tell me what you were doing here that doesn’t involve your best friend.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “...” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “...” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “...” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Me, Jeongin. Stop squirming about so much!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “It’s none of your business what I was doing here.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Oh, it is now. Up we go!”) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“You sound like a distressed whale,” Jisung comments offhandedly, and Felix high-fives him. “But seriously, dude. That’s come next-level shit you got going there and you’re not even fake-dating yet.” </p><p> </p><p>“I heard he fought someone again,” Felix checks his nails. “Kid was beaten, again. He seems victorious every time, now that I’ve started being more aware of the stories about him.” </p><p> </p><p><em> Fought someone again </em>. Images of red-stained knuckles and winces that came with accidental contact flash behind Jeongin’s eyelids.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we not talk about this?” Jeongin whines, higher in pitch even than Hyunjin, which is a feat in itself. “I’m shattered.” Shuffling over to Hyunjin’s bed, he lets himself fall until his weary bones hit the mattress beneath him, and feels Hyunjin moving over to make room. </p><p> </p><p>“If we let you nap will you let us in on all the details afterwards?” Felix bribes, eyes visibly huge even through Jeongin’s squinted eyelids, and the youngest sighs, using a heavy hand to push his friend’s face away from his own. </p><p> </p><p>“If you’re lucky. Now hush,” he says, and closes his eyes, letting himself fall asleep to his friends’ considerate whispering and the feeling of Hyunjin’s fingers carding through his hair. </p><p> </p><p>It’s right as he succumbs to the darkness that he realises that not a single word of details for Christmas had been further discussed between himself and Seungmin just yet. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, he’s awake!” Jeongin grimaces at the sound of Felix’s booming voice directed <em> right </em> into his ear canal. He’s all for listening to his friends - mostly - but not when they’re so invasively close that every decibel rocks every cell in his body to destruction. </p><p> </p><p>Promptly yelling out at the pain the loudness brought, Jeongin flails his arms about as he sits straight upright, dazed and confused as the last tendrils of his dream float away, unable to be grasped and remembered. He sighs, setting it free without a fight.</p><p> </p><p>“All nice and refreshed, I see, now tell us about last night, you’re so sexy, aha -- <em> smack me again, I dare you-” </em> </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, so I just realised that Seungmin and I haven’t actually discussed the details about what’ll be happening on break, and there’s been no boundary talk or arrangement explanations, so I gotta go.” Excuses, excuses - and Jeongin is certainly <em> full </em> of excuses today. </p><p> </p><p>“No <em> way </em> are you pulling a sneaky nap-and-run on me, Jeongin-” Hyunjin’s incredulous voice whines, and Jisung chimes in with inventive verbal prevention of his own.</p><p> </p><p>“Yang Jeongin, if you slip past our fingers again like the slimy carp you are-”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Innie, Seungmin will probably be napping too if you kept him up all night,” Felix sweet talks, his voice sickeningly saccharine and grating on Jeongin’s ears as if it were nails on a blackboard. “It would be a shame to wake him.” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t twist my emotions like this, you know I have no remorse in waking my friends no matter the time of day or night,” Jeongin narrows his eyes, but relaxes back onto the bed, which his friends take as his relinquishment of power - which it is - and leap onto the mattress beside him. It’s a horrible squish. Jeongin should complain about it. </p><p> </p><p>(He doesn’t.) </p><p> </p><p>“So, I reinstate: what exactly <em> were </em> you and your loverboy talking about for so long that you completely forgot about the imminent Christmas deal you both made, then?” Jisung, as usual, wastes no time in trying to weasel his way into the middle of the group, slotting himself in between Hyunjin and Jeongin himself. </p><p> </p><p>“How many times do I have to tell you that he’s not? And just… stuff,” Jeongin gestures vaguely, “the kind of stuff you talk about when you’re becoming friends with somebody.” </p><p> </p><p>(Seungmin had given Jeongin a brief synopsis of the latest book he’d read and then conversed with him about theories and analysis he’d thought of since reading it, with Jeongin giving his own fifty cents wherever he saw fit. It was nice, relaxing even - they just existed for a bit (for a great few hours) and conspired together, before watching YouTube videos of unsolved murders and discussing those too. </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin had never thought to watch those videos before then. The fact that it had been extra dark outside had only solidified the eerie atmosphere surrounding them, and Jeongin had found exhileration instead of fear at the feeling of being wrapped up in Seungmin’s blanket, sitting next to the other as they played detective, trying to figure out and debunk mysteries. </p><p> </p><p>It was certainly <em> not </em> the first thing one does when setting out to establish a friendship with somebody by any means, and Jeongin still hasn’t the first clue about a lot of Seungmin’s interests or anything like that - but that time spent together seemed to… <em> solidify </em> their growing friendship. Jeongin knows now he can just exist without having to talk much, and Seungmin just <em> understands </em> and finds ways to entertain him without having to participate too much. </p><p> </p><p>It felt freeing.) </p><p> </p><p>“Like <em> what </em> then? Did you find out his favourite colour?” </p><p> </p><p>“No, but I’d guess black? He wears a lot of it,” Jeongin suggests helplessly. “He likes watching unsolved murder documentaries and trying to solve them.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s so sexy of him,” Felix sighs, mid-giggle. “Hey, do you think if you died in mysterious circumstances he’d try to solve your mystery too?” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin reaches across Jisung and Hyunjin to swat at Felix, who leans away, almost falling off the bed with a cackle. </p><p> </p><p>“If <em> you </em> die in unsolved circumstances I’ll be sure to pass the police evidence over to him.” </p><p> </p><p>Felix pouts, crossing his arms. “You love me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Unfortunately, I do.”</p><p> </p><p>Jisung whines. “And me?” </p><p> </p><p>“All of you.” </p><p> </p><p><em> “Innie, </em>” Hyunjin throws his legs into the air in a mock-tantrum, “we love you too.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin hums, and for once he lets himself bask in his friends’ love rather than pretending to be disgusted. They see right through his acting anyway. “Let’s watch a Christmas movie and laugh at it.” </p><p> </p><p>“You got it, boss,” Hyunjin, already sniggering behind his hand, grabs his laptop and opens it up. “I have the perfect one in mind.”</p><p> </p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It’s nighttime, and the sky is cloudy outside, hiding the stars from view as they wrap the earth in a fluffy blanket of shadowed grey. Inside Jeongin’s dorm room; he as well as Hyunjin Felix sit swaddled in blankets, not a goosebump of chills to be felt through the warmth that thermal material and friendship brings with it. </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin’s suitcase is packed and sits prettily at the foot of his bed, ready to be joined by his coat and favourite pillow when he and Seungmin leave tomorrow, a physical reminder that makes Jeongin’s heart lurch for reasons unnamed every time he looks over at it. Tonight is a night for friends; Jisung, Hyunjin and Felix lounge around as they talk and sip from mugs of hot chocolate and talk about anything and everything under the sun as if it’s the last chance they’ll ever get. </p><p> </p><p>Which it <em> is </em>. In person, for a few weeks, anyway. Cut them some slack.</p><p> </p><p>Unseen and unheard, rain begins to fall in gentle torrents outside, hitting the window with inaudible pattering that’s masked by the lo fi playlist playing from Hyunjin’s spotify playlist. The droplets leave minuscule marks; a new texture on the otherwise smooth surface. </p><p> </p><p>Felix rolls onto his back on Jeongin’s bed as he talks, complaining about his current class professor, a substitute for his usual professor, who’s currently off on maternity leave. In comparison to her kind, gentle mannerisms, this new placement is harsh on those who struggle and strict with rules and guidelines, directly clashing with Felix’s preference for a working environment. </p><p> </p><p>“And he’s so <em> horrible </em> ; yesterday he called someone out because they didn’t know the answer because his way of explanation didn’t fit their way of learning,” Felix grumbles, his blanket falling off his torso as he throws his arms at the ceiling. “That’s <em> his </em> fault, not my classmates’! A terrible teaching outlook -- if a student doesn’t understand then you’re supposed to help them with varying approaches, not blame them and carry on!” </p><p> </p><p>“I still have a lighter somewhere around here if you want me to set fire to his car,” Jeongin quips, only half joking as he picks at his nails. Hyunjin’s head shoots up, eyes wide, at the same time that a huge grin spreads across Jisung’s face with pre delight.</p><p> </p><p>“Not again, Jeongin, if we can go <em> one year </em> without arson-” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s effective! Not to mention memorable-”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Innie, but no thanks,” Felix grins, previous complaining forgotten as he sits back up. “I’ll compose a strongly worded email and send it to the higher-ups in my department. Hopefully we can get him fired and replaced.” </p><p> </p><p>“Arson is always the answer,” Jisung mumbles in agreement with Jeongin, and Hyunjin huffs next to him, sounding both disbelieving and amused. </p><p> </p><p>“Anyway! How’s it going with lover boy, hmm?” Felix asks, planting his head into Jeongin’s lap roughly, the force of it sending pain shooting through the younger’s thigh muscles. Jeongin groans and rolls his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“He’s <em> not </em> my lover boy, first of all. You sound awfully unapologetic for somebody who got me into this entire mess in the first place,” Jeongin deflects expertly - but not expertly enough. Unfortunately, years of close friendship have trained both Felix and Hyunjin up perfectly to detect whenever he tries to avoid the subject, picking up on his internal panic like human metal detectors. <em> Beep, beep, beep - Jeongin’s diverting. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t change the subject, you sneaky sexy thing,” Hyunjin snickers into the back of his hand, eyes filling with delicious glee as the alarm of being caught flits across Jeongin’s face. “You’ve been friends for a good month or so now; you can’t tell us there’s nothing to know because we have, in fact, witnessed you two together with our own fine eyes.” </p><p> </p><p>There’s silence for a moment, and laughter hangs silently in the air before Jeongin acknowledges defeat with the slump of his shoulders. “There’s not much to be said, really.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well, how’s it going altogether? Are you two good enough friends to comfortably fake a relationship in front of your family? To hold hands? Possibly even kiss if you’re challenged by anyone?” Felix keeps going, making things worse and worse for Jeongin, whose face turns a pleasant shade of ruby at the words, holds<em> hands </em> and, even worse, <em> kiss </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“He’s <em> blushing! </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck your mouth,” Jeongin swears eloquently, and Jisung, Felix and Hyunjin cackle in harmony, three witches on either side of him; he’s boxed within a triangle of evil. “It’ll be… <em> different </em>, that’s for sure.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll tell you what’s different. His hot friend from the cafeteria. He’s so <em> pretty </em>,” Jisung sighs out of nowhere, and Hyunjin smacks him on the arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Tonight is <em> not </em> the night to thirst over Seungmin’s hot friends,” he reprimands, and Jisung snickers. </p><p> </p><p>“Good luck talking to him if you don’t know sign language,” Jeongin supplies helpfully, and Jisung’s face clouds with confusion, mouth opening to ask an entire tirade of questions but Hyunjin cuts him off with a fluid hand to the mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Felix, however, had ignored this entire interaction, and was still <em> very </em> much stuck on Jeongin’s earlier deflections and, having caught Jeongin’s eye very conveniently, knew that their youngest would catch onto <em> exactly </em> what he was about to say.</p><p> </p><p>Smirking evilly, and practically vibrating in his seat as he grins at Jeongin with his eyes burning with what can only be described as exhilarated hellfire, Felix slowly rises from his cross-legged position on the bed. “You mean to tell me-”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Don’t vocalise it! </em>” Jeongin begs, eyes squeezed closed tightly as if lack of sight could ever protect him from the onslaught of bullying he’s about to receive. “I don’t want it to become any more real than it needs to be.” </p><p> </p><p>Hyunjin laughs loudly and Jeongin feels rather than sees him flop against him, full bodyweight almost sending the youngest sprawling sideways as he rubs his cheek against Jeongin’s arm, catlike. “You’re growing up, Innie,” he mock-cries, hands batting unhelpfully at Jeongin’s face. Jeongin whacks them away, reopening his eyes for the sole purpose of using them to send death-glares to his friends. The smack of skin against skin resounds satisfyingly loudly around the room, drawing a giggle from all three friends.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to say, Jeongin going on holiday with Seungmin in these circumstances is almost cliche,” Felix drawls, ominous smile returning. “I’ve read enough fanfiction to know where this is headed.” </p><p> </p><p>“You read fanfiction?” Wrinkling his nose, Hyunjin feigns disgust. “Please tell me it’s not self-insert.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> No! </em>” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin opts to pick up his phone as the two bicker, his own dilemma seemingly forgotten for the time being. The device buzzes right as he picks it up - it’s Chan. </p><p> </p><p><b>Do Not Answer:</b> hey innie we haven’t hung out in a while :( are u free soon? </p><p> </p><p><b>Fox Son</b>: yh im with felix jisung n hyunjin right now actually if you wanna join? We’re at my dorm room</p><p> </p><p><b>Do Not Answer:</b> oh sweet sure! I’ll come over soon, just gotta finish up these lyrics</p><p> </p><p>“Guys, guys, Chan is coming over soon,” Jeongin interjects over the catfight that’s started on the bed, and two heads whip around to stare at him from positions that mimic a Twister disaster. </p><p> </p><p>“Chan? Bang Chan?” Felix repeats, as if they know any <em> other </em> Chan well enough to simply invite over out of the blue. </p><p> </p><p>“The very same.” Turning his phone to show Felix the screen, Jeongin ignores the way Jisung explodes into indulgent cackles at the affectionately harsh contact name. In unison with Jisung’s reaction, Felix visibly panics, scrambling out from beneath Hyunjin - the elder had pinned him down priorly - and rushes to open his front camera on his phone, fixing his hair so that it falls just so. Now it’s Jeongin’s turn to cackle. </p><p> </p><p>“Good luck teasing me about my own fate when Chan’s about to be right here too, Felixie,” he croons with mock sympathy. This is going to be fun. </p><p> </p><p>Previous dilemmas forgotten, the three scramble about to order food for before Chan arrives, deciding to order <em> bibimbap </em> and <em> japchae </em> from their local takeaway so that hopefully, by the time their eldest finishes up and joins them, he’ll be greeted with hot food -- goodness knows he’d likely forgotten to eat if he’d spent the day making music. And as much as Chan worried about themselves not eating enough or regularly, he was just as bad at looking after himself as the rest of them. It felt nice; warm, in a way, to be the ones taking care of <em> him </em> for a change, even just to make sure he remembers to eat proper food for one night. </p><p> </p><p>“If I steal Lix’s chopsticks then Chan will have to feed him using his own,” Hyunjin schemes, rubbing his hands together at the thought of all the trouble he has the opportunity to run rampant with now that Chan is coming over. Jisung cackles, eyes bright with mischief at Hyunjin’s words.</p><p> </p><p>“Good luck with that, because you’re forgetting Jeongin literally has spares, <em> and </em> forks and spoons too here,” Felix shoots back without missing a beat. “And if you do that and I get my hands on a fork it’s <em> over </em> for your eyeballs.”</p><p> </p><p>Hyunjin’s eyes grow wide. “Jeongie, help me,” he whines, using Jeongin as a human shield as Felix sits, unmoving, staring holes into the dancer’s head.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re on your own,” Jeongin and Jisung both scramble away from Hyunjin’s weak grip on both of their arms and opt to sit on the floor instead, cackling as Felix lunges straight for Hyunjin now that he’s without protection from certain death.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>By the looks of it, it’s going to be a chaotic night.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</p><p><br/>
The next morning, Jeongin and Seungmin sit in amicable silence within Seungmin's car, Seungmin himself humming quietly as he drives. It's a comfortable atmosphere, but the pressing matter of boundary discussion prompts the breaching of it. </p><p>“Seungmin~” Jeongin whines, struggling against his seatbelt to turn and face Seungmin, who keeps his eyes on the road, steady and unwavering. </p><p> </p><p>If watching him drive is weirdly attractive, Jeongin says nothing about it. He’s <em> certainly </em> not thinking about it. Nope. Absolutely not. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p> </p><p>“All of our meet-ups recently were originally supposed to be regarding the boundaries we’re setting for this holiday, and our backstory to tell my parents, and sleeping arrangements, and yet we’ve discussed <em> nothing </em> yet. We have to work everything out before we there or else it’ll wind up a mess.” </p><p> </p><p>The car is silent for a minute or two as Seungmin watches google maps on his phone showing him which route he needs to take next. Once they’re safely onto the next road, he glances to his side, where Jeongin is staring at him, awaiting an answer. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so boundaries first, because they’re the most important. How much skinship are you comfortable with?” Seungmin reasons, straight to the point. </p><p> </p><p>“Uhh…” <em> that’s </em> a loaded question if Jeongin’s ever heard one. “I mean, I’m not too touchy as a person, to be completely honest. But I always thought that if I found someone I was <em> really </em> comfortable with it might change…” </p><p> </p><p>“Hm.” Sensing Jeongin’s uneasiness, Seungmin takes the wheel of the conversation too. “Well, personally I’m fine with going as heavy on the affection as needed, so you don’t have to worry about saying things I won’t agree on.” </p><p> </p><p><em> Think, think. </em> What is it that couples do? Jeongin’s completely blanked, feeling like somebody’s come up to his brain with a wet sponge and wiped the slate completely clean, leaving only smoky smudges of water behind. </p><p> </p><p>“Hand holding?” </p><p> </p><p>Seungmin chuckles quietly, eyes still hyper focused on the road ahead. “What about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m up for it. That’ll make it look real, right? That’s what couples do.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, Seungmin is <em> definitely </em> finding this too amusing for his own good. “Yes, it is. Not all couples, though. It depends on how touchy each individual is and how comfortable they are showing PDA.” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin hadn’t thought of it like that… to him, couples all acted the same. It didn’t occur to him that yes, every person is unique in themselves and have their own boundaries and preferences that would make each relationship vary and appear different depending on who was included in it…. <em> Oops </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m comfortable with hand holding,” he decides resolutely, sitting up a little straighter in his seat. Affection won’t hurt, anyway, and if he suddenly decides to not like it, he can just tell Seungmin. He won’t mind, Jeongin knows it. </p><p> </p><p>“I hate to ask this, but just in case it <em> does </em> happen - how comfortable are you with kissing?” </p><p> </p><p>Jeongin’s entire body flushes red, and he wiggles back in his seat to face forward again faster than he’s ever moved in his entire life. And probably any past lives, too. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh-”</p><p> </p><p>“Just in case! Covering all bases here so we don’t get caught off guard.” </p><p> </p><p>Sweating beneath his clothes, Jeongin looks out of the window, hoping to hide the way he’s reacting from Seungmin. Sure, he’s kissed people before - but never people he was dating. Or fake-dating, for that matter. A truth-or-dare smooch here, a friendly peck there, and all of them were the result of a little too much alcohol among his friends. They’ve never <em> meant </em> anything - and if he were to kiss Seungmin during this holiday too, it wouldn’t mean anything either, right? </p><p> </p><p>That’s where the confusion comes in. </p><p> </p><p>The idea of kissing Seungmin makes Jeongin dizzy; his heart suddenly pounding in his chest; palms clammy and mind racing. Is it because he knows it’ll <em> look </em> like he means it in front of his family, or will he <em> want </em> a potential kiss to hold meaning like that? </p><p> </p><p>And why does he suddenly want to go through with it? </p><p> </p><p>“No mouth kisses,” Jeongin mumbles, staring resolutely at his lap. “I’m okay with… with face kisses. But no direct ones… I doubt we’ll get questioned about things anyway, but the occasional - I don’t know - forehead kiss? Or similar? - should suffice in terms of realism.”</p><p> </p><p>“You got it,” Seungmin responds, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to a foreign beat Jeongin can’t quite make out. “What about general closeness? Am I okay to put an arm around you sometimes, and stuff like that?” </p><p> </p><p>Why does Jeongin feel like his entire muscular system stopped working for a system at those words? </p><p> </p><p>“Y-yeah. That’s fine.” <em> I’d like that. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, and I’m fine with everything being reciprocated too, if and when you’re ever comfortable with doing so. Onto the next question: our backstory? Should we just keep it as honest as possible?” Seungmin asks kindly, and Jeongin appreciates the fact that he’s not trying to overcomplicate things at all. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sounds good. We met at a party, you stepped in when that guy and his friends started getting threatening, and the rest was history?”</p><p> </p><p>“And the rest was history,” Seungmin nods and agrees, switching gears and leaning back in his seat as he slows down to abide by the road signs. “And, lastly - did you mention sleeping arrangements?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, about that… mother called last night and told us that she’d called in advance to decorate, uh, <em> our </em> room for Christmas beforehand, which means we’ll be sharing a room -- I can call her back and ask if there’s a spare room though?” <em> Why doesn’t he remember how many extra rooms there are from their previous visits? </em></p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it should be fine. Wouldn’t it look suspicious if we asked to room separately?” It seems as if Seungmin is putting a lot more thought into this than Jeongin in terms of <em> making it realistic </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose you’re right. You do realise we’d most likely be sharing a bed, though?” Jeongin’s head is spinning again. He’s in a washing machine full of cliche tropes that Felix would no doubt be <em> screaming </em> at right now. He makes a mental note to stay <em> away </em> from telling him - or any of their friends for that matter - about this tiny, minuscule detail for now.</p><p> </p><p>“Part of the fun.” Seungmin smirks at him, and the car speeds up as they finally hit the motorway, speeding down the highway with all the smooth-sailing of the Titanic. “I hope you don’t snore in your sleep!”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope you’re ready to be kicked off the mattress three times a night,” Jeongin says sweetly, the words strangely specific, and Seungmin snorts beside him.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, they can do this.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It’s going to be just fine.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. chapter two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Seungmin, do you trust me?” he says suddenly, making Seungmin pause in his snowball pile he’s steadily building up. He stands up again, looking Jeongin directly in the eyes. </p><p>“Of course I do.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>pt2 posted slightly early because i simply couldnt wait &gt;:) merry christmas to those who are celebrating this year! and for those who don't, i hope you enjoy your days just as much &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“We’re here.” Jeongin’s words are steady, but his heart’s irregular beating, if possible to hear, would give away his internal anxiety in an instant. “Uh, I think mother will want to meet you first, before we unpack, so we could leave our stuff here for the time being? Or we could take our stuff in first, that’s also cool--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Seungmin interrupts, but his expression softens the intrusion. “You don’t have to worry, okay? This is going to be fine. We’re gonna be so damn convincing, nobody will suspect a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He grins suddenly, and holds his hand up for a high-five, which Jeongin returns weakly, stomach swirling and twisting. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The accommodation is just the same as Jeongin is used to; every year his family work hard to be the first ones to book it especially for Christmas. Strangely enough, they usually aren’t up against much competition, with more people wanting to stay at home to celebrate with their families instead of going away for the festivities. It’s their loss, Jeongin supposes -- he personally loves the separation of the mundanity of usual life and having an entirely different space for Christmas. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin, however - </span>
  <em>
    <span>perhaps</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jeongin had overlooked how lucky he is to have the privilege of going away every year, if the sudden roundness of Seungmin’s eyes; the way his jaw drops, says anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You stay </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span> every year?” Seungmin whispers, and Jeongin has to lean in a little to hear the velvety words slip past his lips, dripping with the fibres of awe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jeongin says simply, before wincing at how simple it sounded. “We’re very lucky.” In a fit of sudden courage he slots their hands together, grateful for the gloves he’d slipped on seconds prior so that he doesn’t have to worry about getting clammy hands from his nerves. Seungmin tears his gaze away from the setting, and Jeongin bites back a smile at the way the elder’s eyes shine in childlike wonder; he’s visibly holding himself back from exclamation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>huge</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Seungmin says finally, the words bursting out faster than he’d usually speak. Once they’re out, they just keep </span>
  <em>
    <span>coming</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and Jeongin, again, bites back another smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s so festive too - look at the fairylights, are they always there? And the mountains behind everything, it’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>picturesque</span>
  </em>
  <span> - and </span>
  <em>
    <span>is that a balcony?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Watching Seungmin from where he stands next to him, Jeongin allows himself a small smile as he considers these two parts of his life colliding. The lodge, in all of its entirety, full of rooms positively brimming with festive decorations, glamour and the smell of baking at all hours of the day; and Seungmin, with his piercings and black outerwear and shining eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jeongin thinks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>the two go very well together indeed</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s almost as if Seungmin were </span>
  <em>
    <span>made</span>
  </em>
  <span> to come here, even if it’s only to compliment the decor with his appearance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin chuckles and tugs Seungmin further up the path to the cabin - well, he’s always called it a cabin, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>lodge</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and so he can guess why Seungmin may have thought it to be smaller. The size of it is admittedly </span>
  <em>
    <span>mammoth</span>
  </em>
  <span> considering cabin sizes; it comfortably fits Jeongin’s entire family consisting of his parents, grandparents, aunts and cousins quite comfortably, with a considerable amount of wiggle room. It’s perfect: one can get away from the main socialising if needed, and privacy isn’t hard to happen upon either. All in all, it’s an impeccable situation no matter your mood or MBTI. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m too impure to enter into here,” Seungmin laughs, but this time it’s his voice tainted with nerves. “Are you sure you want me to do this? Last chance to back out-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I’m the one who should be asking </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> that.” Slowing to a stop, Jeongin stops and turns to face Seungmin. “You really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I know it’s a lot to ask… and really, it’s quite stupid too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no.” Seungmin’s face brightens, and he takes Jeongin’s free hand in his own; both hands occupied by both of the other’s. “I’m here to help you do this. What sort of fake boyfriend would I be if I backed out before the fun even begins?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got me there.” The hesitance clears up from both faces, and in unison they turn back towards the lodge with a newfound motivation. “Let’s do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>After finding their room, (which wasn’t hard to do - Jeongin knows this place like the back of his hand by now; he only had to show Seungmin how to find it) and deciding to leave their suitcases packed for now and face family as soon as possible, the two walk side by side down the red-carpeted corridor dripping with wreaths, baubles and candles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so my grandparents arrive tomorrow, but right now we’re gonna go and meet my aunts, parents and cousins,” Jeongin quietly explains to Seungmin as they walk side by side down the hallway, so close together that their shoulders bump together every so often and their hands brush continuously. There would be plenty enough space for a group of three friends to walk down quite comfortably, but Jeongin can’t bring himself to step to the side even by a few inches. “You’ve already met my parents, so I’ll introduce you to my aunts. My cousins and niece are all very young, so they’ll likely be quite hyper and excitable, so-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeongin. It’s fine,” Seungmin interrupts, and Jeongin startles as he feels a hand squeezing at his shoulder for one, then two seconds, before it falls away again. “Try not to overthink it. It’s gonna be okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They reach the heavy door that leads to the room where Jeongin’s family awaits, and as Jeongin reaches a shaky hand to the wooden frame, Seungmin slings an arm over his shoulder, drawing Jeongin into his side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m making it convincing,” is all the elder says as Jeongin looks at him questioningly, fighting the warmth that threatens to clamber up his neck for reasons that are purposely ignored. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Jeongin replies, finding himself rendered unable to say more than that as he pushes the heavy wooden door open, immediately being welcomed with the warming sight of a huge Christmas tree by the roaring fire; what seems like ages of open space that gives way to a wall made entirely out of glass giving way to a balcony outside, where one can watch the snowfall with a mug of hot chocolate to their heart’s content. But, more importantly, among all of the festivities is -- Jeongin’s family. That is, his Aunt Jisoo and her children, Yeji and Younghun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeongie!” Jeongin’s eldest cousin, Younghun, who’s seven years old, screeches as he runs as fast as his little legs can carry him over to the door, throwing himself at Jeongin, who catches him mid-jump and laughs with glee as he cradles him close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Younghun! Oh, look at how big you’ve grown - you’re a big boy now, aren’t you?” Jeongin exclaims, and Younghun laughs hysterically, peals upon peals of happiness spilling from his chest and into the air, colouring the air with beautiful yellows and pinks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m nearly as tall as Jeongie!” Younghun screams, and Jeongin giggles before shushing him gently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Inside voice, please.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Younghun gasps and nods, holding a finger to his lips as if Jeongin had just told him a huge secret. “Inside voices!” he whisper-yells, and Jeongin chuckles as he sets him down to scoop up the five year-old Yeji, who had been patiently waiting her turn as she stands at Jeongin’s feet, gazing up at him with huge, excited eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And Yeji! You all need to stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>growing</span>
  </em>
  <span> all the time,” Jeongin tosses her into the air, just once, and laughs as she screeches with delight. Once she lands safely back in his arms she throws her arms around his head, clinging on tight in a manner not unlike a baby panda. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who’s this, Jeongie?” Younghun asks, pointing up at Seungmin, who’s watching Yeji and Jeongin with wide eyes. Jeongin mentally curses himself for </span>
  <em>
    <span>already</span>
  </em>
  <span> forgetting about his presence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is Seungmin. He’s joining us for the holidays, isn’t that fun?” Jeongin crouches down to set Yeji back onto the floor and takes Younghun’s hand in his own. “Can you both introduce yourself to him, please?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi! I’m Younghun. I’m seven. I like your face jewels! They’re very pretty. I want some too, wanna look pretty too!” Younghun babbles brightly, bowing before holding a hand out to shake Seungmin’s, eyeing his eyebrow piercing and nose ring. Jeongin chuckles at the formal handshake and stands back to watch Yeji introduce herself with considerably less energy but no less enthusiasm - but what </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> baffles Jeongin is how </span>
  <em>
    <span>natural</span>
  </em>
  <span> Seungmin is with the kids; not that he’d expected him to be horrible, per se, but he was expecting at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> hesitancy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you look perfect without any embellishments! Look, Jeonginnie has no piercings and he’s just as beautiful,” Seungmin points up to Jeongin, who freezes, eyes averted as he pushes a stray chunk of hair behind his ear, needing something else to focus on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You made Jeongie blush,” Younghun giggles, but luckily Yeji decides now is her time to shine and break free of her shyness, effectively saving Jeongin from having to think up some sort of response. Because how in the world is he supposed to respond to this?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin-ssi!” Yeji is already swinging from Seungmin’s hand, whilst Younghun clings to his waist - and Seungmin is </span>
  <em>
    <span>glowing</span>
  </em>
  <span> with the attention, an instant hit with the kids and smiling wider than Jeongin has ever seen him smile thus far. His eyes sparkle, and he expertly handles the two kids as they giggle and try to drag him onto the floor. Jeongin also notes the added formality in honorifics - clearly, Jisoo has been teaching them Korean alongside their compulsory English-speaking skills. He feels a surge of pride within his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But there’s no caution whatsoever with the way Seungmin shakes Younghun’s hand amicably and gives Yeji a high-five before immediately letting the two pull him away into an elaborate game of castles and dragons with the building blocks spilled messily on the ground. Jeongin blinks as Seungmin sinks into the role of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>big, evil dragon</span>
  </em>
  <span> without a second thought and starts chasing Yeji and Younghun around the carpet, not even realising how hard he’s staring at the sight until Seungmin looks back to the door, meeting Jeongin’s eyes and smiling back at him. Clearing his throat, Jeongin looks away, tucking another imaginary hair behind his ear as an excuse to look at the ground instead of the man in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Honestly, Jeongin felt he was justified in expecting Seungmin to not know how to behave in front of his little cousins and niece. Whilst he had concluded already to not assume things about people based on what you thought they might be, he’d already subconsciously assumed that Seungmin would be bad with kids already, and that was his first mistake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So it’s safe to say that the sight before him is very unprecedented, if not entirely adorable. It kind of makes Jeongin want to scream. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What…” Jeongin whispers as he watches, not realising that his own smile instantly leaps back to mirroring Seungmin’s at the sight of the elder dropping to his knees on the carpet and getting straight into the next game that Yeji and Younghun are trying to play with him - kids move fast, you’ve gotta be ready for every change of scenario they spring upon you. Jeongin is admittedly so distracted by the sight that at first he doesn’t register the feeling of tiny, cold hands tugging at one of his own, and a warm head of hair bumping into the side of his leg.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh -- </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, hello gorgeous,” Jeongin coos, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> remembering there are, in fact, more family members here than just his two cousins, and that his niece, Yuna, of just one year of age, has managed to toddle her way over to him. Her mother - that is, Jeongin’s sister Siyeon - is nowhere to be seen, and so he assumed she’s unpacking somewhere with Jisoo playing the role of babysitter for the time being.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He scoops her up in his arms and spins her around, once, twice, before stopping and balancing her on his hip - but not before landing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re a fast one, huh? How did you get over here so quickly, hmm?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuna giggles and babbles in his arms, clearly very happy to have garnered Jeongin’s attention after all of her efforts. Jeongin knows already that she can say a few words by now, but foregoes coaxing her into speaking in favour of hearing her light, innocent laughter that rings in his ears like tiny bells. Behind her green pacifier, her smile is wide, and her eyes shine bright as she looks up at Jeongin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shall we go and sit somewhere, hmm? I think we should sit somewhere so we can play and chat with Jisoo.” It’s a habit of Jeongin’s to narrate what he’s doing in the presence of his youngest relatives, regardless of whether or not they can understand and reply to him. He likes doing it, and hopes that it helps them memorise his voice easier, so that when they meet again after he has to spend months away at university they’ll still remember him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“Auntie Jisoo! It’s </span><em><span>so</span></em> <em><span>good</span></em><span> to see you again,” Jeongin greets his sister as he sits down a little way away; chair set out facing the windows so that one can watch the snow fall outside. He tries to hand Yuna back to her mother, but to their shared amusement (and Jeongin’s secret delight) Yuna shakes her head and whines, clinging to Jeongin and refusing to be moved from his lap. Jisoo chuckles, shaking her head fondly at the two and delivering a swift flick to Jeongin’s forehead for ‘stealing away her children already’.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s so good to see you, too, Jeongin - oh, wait, before I forget - your mother and father told me to tell you they’ll be along as soon as they can; they hit unexpected traffic on the way. And see there! Siyeon </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> you Yuna wouldn’t forget about you. As soon as you entered the room she made a beeline straight for you!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin laughs too, throwing his head back and grinning as Yuna wiggles about on his lap, clearly comfy and content for the time being to simply stay snuggled against his chest. “I’m glad. I miss everyone so much at university, although I’m enjoying my time there too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We miss you too! I know I’ve certainly had my days when I wish more than anything that you were home to help me out with the kids,” Jisoo teases, and Jeongin chuckles. “You’re better than anyone I know with them… but enough about that. Your mother tells me that that handsome young man over there is your boyfriend! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, your favourite auntie, yourself.” Feigning a hand to her head, Jisoo falls to the side dramatically, cackling when Jeongin rolls his eyes at the scene.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite his chilled exterior - panic, then guilt, flashes white-hot into Jeongin’s chest for a few seconds before he answers. “Yeah… that’s him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The kids already love him so much! And Jeongin, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> are glowing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy, and it’s only been a few minutes!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin swallows around thick saliva, and pushes down every emotion that rises like bile at Jisoo’s words. “What do you mean by that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You two walked in and… I don’t know how to explain it, but you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>radiating</span>
  </em>
  <span> happiness right now,” Jisoo carries on, excited and oblivious to Jeongin’s panic. “And the way he looked at you as you introduced the kids… </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I hope you make each other very happy for a long time to come - and it’s so good to see you happy, my Jeonginnie. I really am going on a bit here, but the way he looked at you when you picked Yuna up? I saw only tenderness there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin hadn’t seen Seungmin’s face when he’d picked Yuna up. Jisoo must be exaggerating… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks down at Yuna, who’s looking close to slumber in his arms, instead of looking Jisoo in the eyes, fearful that his guilt will overflow in his eyes and betray his dark secret. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>hates</span>
  </em>
  <span> lying, especially to Jisoo - who is as close to him as his own mother - and the emotions feeling like they’re paralysing him at the… </span>
  <em>
    <span>The tenderness </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Jisoo had mentioned does not go unnoticed by him, although he does his best to push the feelings back down, down, down, and lock them away to examine another time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another time in the very distant future. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Jisoo,” he settles for saying, and finally Siyeon enters the room, lighting up at the sight of Jeongin next to Jisoo. “I hope so too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so Jeongin sits back, and he watches Seungmin's hands that have punched people and broken bones, hold his baby cousins gently, softly, and that's the first time he </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>realises that people can be more than one thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeongin’s parents end up staying away a night longer than anticipated; the traffic having been caused by copious snowfall that prevented much movement for the day. After a quick decision to spend the night at a nearby travelodge and waiting for the roads to be shovelled of the thick snow, Jeongin’s mother and father set off early the next morning, eager to see their family again and most importantly, their son. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They said they’re just around the corner-- oh, there they are!” Jisoo announces, clapping her hands loudly from where she had been observing through the wall-length window in the front of the lodge, one floor up. Jeongin springs from his seat, overjoyed at the concept of finally seeing his parents </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> through a phone screen with potato quality, and sprints from the room without another thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chuckling loudly, Jisoo flaps her hands at Seungmin, waving him away from his hesitant stance next to the spot Jeongin had just vacated. “Go and join him! He’s very excited to see his parents again.” She watches quietly as Seungmin gets up to leave, knowing that she can have her own reunion with them after they’ve met Seungmin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Licking his lips, Seungmin walks at a calculated pace out of the door, and makes his way down the stairs until he’s in the entrance hall. Jeongin must have </span>
  <em>
    <span>sprinted</span>
  </em>
  <span>: there’s no trace of him, save the front door being left wide open, and an icy wall of air spreading into the lodge via it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What is he supposed to do? Wait for Jeongin and his parents to return inside? Go out and watch their reunion? This is one thing that he’s certainly not been given guidelines for - but luckily, his crazed options are narrowed neatly down to one as Jeongin re-enters, his parents flanking him; a triangle of wide smiles and vibrant happiness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin! Come and meet my parents,” Jeongin demands, red from his mother’s lipstick, and Seungmin shuffles down the stairs, all black-clad and booted compared to the light, soft boy he’s faking a relationship with. Regardless, Jeongin meets him halfway and tugs him by the hand back to where his parents stand, an unnecessary but sweet gesture. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… this is Seungmin. Seungmin, meet my parents, I guess?” Jeongin drawls, and his father guffaws loudly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mr and Mrs Yang. It’s lovely to meet you, I’m Kim Seungmin.” Seungmin bows politely, not knowing quite what to say or how to hold himself, but powering through with strength.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought we had taught you to introduce us properly, Jeongin,” Mr Yang scolds, before turning his full attention to Seungmin, eyeing their linked hands. “Now… Seungmin. A polite boy. You certainly look able to take care of our Jeongin, at the very least.” His eyes sparkle with humour, and Seungmin visibly relaxes, though he doesn’t pull his hand from Jeongin’s grip. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Keeping up appearances</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, such a handsome boy too! We really had no idea what you’d be like, as Jeongin never showed us any pictures beforehand,” Jeongin’s mother says, pouting at her son - Jeongin certainly inherited his playful poutiness from her, indeed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Heart hammering against his chest, Jeongin watches with a laser gaze as Seungmin and his parents interact. They’ve certainly bought into their act - but he feels so </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span> knowing he’s actively deceiving them. Either way, they’ve started now, and the best thing to do will be to finish it… right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The four of them find themselves ascending the stairs a few minutes later, once pleasantries have been exchanged, and as Seungmin and Jeongin move to the side to let Mr and Mrs Yang ascend the stairs first they catch each other’s eyes and sigh silently in relief. The worst part is over - all that should be left from here on out is meeting the grandparents, and then simply existing with each other for the rest of their stay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which should be a piece of cake. Just friends with extra affection, right? Friends with benefits, only the benefits are strictly innocent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, wait. You’ve got a little--” Seungmin tugs his sleeve down over his fingers and drags the fabric over Jeongin’s cheek before the younger can start walking upstairs, “-- a little bit of lipstick right there. All gone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Jeongin mutters weakly, putting the rapidfire beating of his heart down to leftover excitement and adrenaline to do with his parents. That’s all it is; nothing else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As it’s their first full day together - Jeongin’s grandparents arrive a little over an hour later - everybody simply stays inside and talks, catching up on weeks and even months’ worth of missed life updates and memories to share. Jeongin sits on the sofa closest to the fire, staring blankly at the Christmas tree opposite and enjoying how the lights blur and stretch as he focuses and unfocuses his eyes. It’s a rare feeling, the ability to simply exist, with no expectations from others to talk or interact: he knows that his family knows him well enough to recognise when he’s in a quieter mood. Seungmin lets him be too, but sits next to him the whole time, his arm resting around Jeongin’s shoulders as he tunes in to different conversations and answers politely when asked questions, mostly to do with his university majors and relationship with Jeongin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Due to their previous preparation, he feels comfortable answering without Jeongin having to be present in their conversations. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin faintly hears his mother calling Seungmin over from where she’s lounging with Siyeon and Jisoo on the other end of the room, but he doesn’t look up; doesn’t react as Seungmin gets up and walks over after dropping a kiss onto the side of his head that feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>just a little too natural</span>
  </em>
  <span>, dropping down onto the other sofa they have and pulling his legs up beneath him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keeping up appearances. That’s all that was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The firelight hits Seungmin’s skin just right as he laughs with Jeongin’s mother about something unbeknownst to Jeongin himself, and just for a second, he lets himself look, and admire, and long for. Just for a second, not even the kids, who suddenly decide to vy for his attention again, can pull his attention away from the ethereal man sitting across the room, legs curled up beneath him on the couch, cup of cocoa cradled in both hands as he converses so well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fits</span>
  </em>
  <span> so well into Jeongin’s family, as if he’d been here all along, a missing puzzle piece. Maybe within his own life, too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Jeongin looks at Seungmin: the boy he used to judge so harshly; the boy who he only associated with drunken fights, bloodied knuckles and whispered threats; the boy who had fallen right into his life when he’d least expected anybody to - and for the first time, he lets himself feel. He lets himself fall - and he knows that it’ll be a long time before he hits the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin lays in bed, flipping through a book that, for once, has nothing to do with education or university. It’s a thrilling novel centred on a young assassin who is thrust into royal life for a while to make her way through endless competitions to prove her worth and talent in her art, and since picking it up a few hours ago, Jeongin’s been absolutely unable to put it down. Right now, however, as he hears the water in the bathroom shut off, he finds it within himself to bookmark his place and sets the book down next to him, watching the door patiently for Seungmin to emerge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… day one with the whole family is done, then?” Seungmin asks that night, walking out of their en-suite bathroom with dripping wet hair (but thankfully for Jeongin, he’s already changed into a loose shirt and sweatpants. He’s definitely not ready for </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> sight just yet.) “It went really well, I think.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It really did, they love you,” Jeongin speaks softly, and Seungmin turns to face him, a small smile shared between them as the elder of the two towels his hair dry. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For what?” Seungmin blinks, confused, and drops down on the bed next to Jeongin, who looks about ready to fall right into dreamland. “I didn’t really do anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For going along with everything, and being so convincing, and just… being here.” Jeongin’s only half-sure that his words are audible, but the way Seungmin reaches over to pat his head comfortingly is reassurance that they were. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got it. Besides, you’re not the only one benefiting here,” Seungmin teases, and Jeongin rolls his eyes, chuckling quietly. The fact that Seungmin would be spending Christmas alone if not for this convenient deal still hasn’t fully left his mind. “Move over. I’m sleepy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get a cold if you don’t dry your hair, Min,” Jeongin warns, but he moves over regardless, lifting up the duvet for his friend to slide in next to him. Being the second night of this happening, it feels relatively more natural already, and there’s no awkwardness that Jeongin can detect at all. Small blessings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? I never really dry my hair when I wash it at night, I’ve never really gotten ill from it,” Seungmin shrugs, and Jeongin wrinkles his nose as Seungmin plonks his - wet - head down on the pillow, genuinely ready to sleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, there’s always a first time for everything -- </span>
  <em>
    <span>go on</span>
  </em>
  <span>, dry your hair, Seungmin. You’ll get the pillow wet and then it’ll be cold all night as well.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin shakes his head, but gets up all the same, going to sit at the bedside vanity as he roots around in the adjacent drawer to find the hairdryer. “Since you asked so </span>
  <em>
    <span>politely</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite knowing that he won’t be able to sleep with the sound of the hairdryer running, Jeongin closes his eyes as if to sleep anyway. “Good boy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>When Jeongin falls asleep, it’s to the muted silence that’s only heard when there’s heavy snow outside, and to the presence of Seungmin next to him, close enough to feel his body heat radiating and bleeding into Jeongin’s own warmth bubble, but far enough away that they </span><em><span>just</span></em> <em><span>about </span></em><span>don’t touch. The hinted possibility of physical contact leaves an outline of something to be desired, but Jeongin ignores it, happy as they are right now. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a form of company that Jeongin hasn’t quite experienced before; a new level of friendship that brings with it new vulnerabilities and deeper bonds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The presence is comforting, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jeongin thinks as he yawns one last time, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I could get used to this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“ Jeongie, Jeongie!” Yeji scampers up onto the couch beside her cousin, who’s reading the next part of his book - it’s building up to the climax now and he can barely move for the tension and suspense - and smacks her hand into the middle of the page to capture Jeongin’s attention. Moving his bookmark to the appropriate page, he closes the book, thoughts still racing with the plot, and gives the young girl his full attention. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s up, bub?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you play with us, Jeongie? Please?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damn Yeji - she knows </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> how to utilise her puppy eyes to her advantage, especially towards Jeongin. But it’s not as if he was going to resist in the first place, was it? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. What are we playing today?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Younghun spawns out of nowhere, arms akimbo and hair looking as if he’d just had a cauldron of hot air explode in his face. “I’m a scientist! I just blew up my lab and Yeji is my pet rat! Mummy spiked my hair up too, and Yuna’s!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin explodes into giggles. Imaginative </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> spiky - he’ll find out where Yuna is later. “And what does that make me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re my pet bat! But you’re really, really big so I can ride on you. You have to hang upside down when I’m not riding you, though!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Younghun, I can’t hang upside down. Can I lay down on the floor instead?” Who said Jeongin had any sense of dignity? He absolutely does not. Younghun’s eyes light up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The act of playing with Yeji and Younghun is always one that brings about mild exhaustion at the end of the day - but Jeongin would admittedly never trade that feeling for anything. The sound of their shrieks of joy and happy memories that all three of them create whilst playing is something well worth the physical taxation, and although they don’t know it, these memories keep him going on bad days. It’s beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Younghun gasps suddenly, midway through fighting an invisible deer. “The deer has a sword!  Jeongie, help me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t help, I’m a giant bat!” Jeongin squints across the room, letting out a muffled groan as Yeji runs over and plops herself right on top of his stomach. “Yeji, be gentle please, I’m just a bat!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go over there!” Yeji commands, bouncing around on top of Jeongin, who has to sit up hurriedly to stop her from forcing his lunch back up the way it came - a fate best entirely avoided.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but you have to sit on my back instead of my tummy, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay! Onwards!” The young ‘rat’ is undeterred, taking her role very seriously as she hooks her tiny fingers into ‘teeth’ and makes a series of ear-shredding squeaks. A single level higher and only </span>
  <em>
    <span>dogs</span>
  </em>
  <span> would be able to hear her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeongie is here! To the rescue!” Younghun yells as Jeongin runs over, Yeji clinging to his back in fits of giggles, and throws himself behind Jeongin, using his height to his advantage. “Jeongie is base! The deer can’t get me here!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is the deer holding a sword?” Jeongin asks, genuinely curious. Younghan, keeping one hand on his leg as if being in contact with Jeongin will keep him ‘safe’, stares up at him incredulously, as if Jeongin had just asked if the sky is bright red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With its </span>
  <em>
    <span>hand!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Duh.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do deer have hands, Yeji?” Jeongin asks, and Yeji giggles, pushing her face into the back of his neck instead of replying. “Younghan, do deer have hands? I’ve never seen a deer with hands. Have you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re invisible! They have hands in their mouths,” Younghan declares proudly. “They’re purple.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The deer! The deer!” Yeji squeals, tugging on Jeongin’s hair roughly. “It’s coming over here! We have to run!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeji, dear, stop tugging on Jeongin’s hair so,” enter Jeongin’s grandmother, aided by the arm of Seungmin, which had no doubt been kindly offered. Patting Seungmin’s cheek gratefully before walking slowly over to the mess of limbs in the middle of the room, she disentangles Yeji from Jeongin’s back and sets her down on the floor before stretching up to run weathered fingers through the older boy’s hair, soothing his stinging scalp with experienced movements. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does it hurt badly, my dear?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not badly, grandmother. Thank you.” Jeongin covers her hands with his own and smiles down at her, basking in her warmth for a few seconds. Yeji giggles, dropping down onto the ground like a starfish, where she begins singing a song Jeongin hasn’t heard before. Younghun drops on top of her, and together they squirm about on the floor, rolling over and over and laughing loudly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Across the room, Seungmin drops down onto the sofa Jeongin recently vacated and absently picks up the book he’d left there, turning it over and scanning the blurb. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, dear boy. Now, I have to go and find your grandfather - lord knows where he’s wandered off to,” Jeongin’s grandmother smiles, eyes crinkling up with laughter lines that only a long, fulfilling life can supply one with, and turns heel, leaving the room despite having only just entered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeongie, I’m hungry,” Younghun appears back at Jeongin’s side, arms crossed over his chest. “Is it food time yet?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh-” Jeongin checks his watch, </span>
  <em>
    <span>13:17. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I think it’s around lunch time now - perhaps Jisoo is already preparing something in the kitchen?” It was always a known activity for Jisoo and Siyen to cook together at Christmas; their meals were always deemed </span>
  <em>
    <span>untouchably delicious</span>
  </em>
  <span> by the rest of the family.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy!” Yeji sprints out of the room at the mention of the legendary cooking, with Younghun hot on her heels. Jeongin chuckles as they leave, walking over to join Seungmin on the couch, next to the constantly burning fire. They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, content to watch the scenery outside without exchanging words. It’s nice; it’s a truly comforting thing in itself just to </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> with someone else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Seungmin says suddenly, and Jeongin jolts at the amount of bittersweet tone in his voice, hand half-raised to comfort him, but he pulls away, unknowing of the other boy’s boundaries. “Your family really is amazing. They all love each other so much, and they’re so liberal and accepting of you… the complete opposite of what I’m used to, really. It feels almost… almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be witnessing a functioning family.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin exhales shakily, quietly, carefully. “Do you wanna talk about it?” he inches imperceptibly closer, praying that nobody will suddenly burst into the room whilst they talk. Right now is the </span>
  <em>
    <span>least</span>
  </em>
  <span> convenient time to be interrupted with baby cousins and doting parents. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin laughs wetly. “I guess? My parents… don’t agree with my lifestyle - and family reunions, especially at Christmas, are just full of fights and reminders that I’m not the son they wanted; the heterosexual son with straight A’s and a career in a more academic field than Literature.” At Jeongin’s hesitant touch he melts into the physical warmth instantly, and so Jeongin shuffles closer still, running a hand up and down his spine in comfort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just hard - so I stopped going home at all. There’s no point, really, when all I ever get is threatened to be disowned and yelled at for who I love. It’s toxic, and detrimental to my health, so I just thought, why do it? I have a choice of whether I’m with them now that I attend university, and so as much as it hurts to not be with family over Christmas, I simply decided to not go home. And then you appeared, and invited me into your own family celebrations… it just feels so </span>
  <em>
    <span>comforting,</span>
  </em>
  <span> sometimes I feel like crying out of pure relief that familial love is </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> exist.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Seungmin,” Jeongin breathes, and can’t stop himself from lunging forward and engulfing Seungmin into what he hopes is a comforting - and not purely suffocating - embrace. “I’m so sorry - no offence, but your parents sound like assholes. We’ll adopt you into my family, instead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No adoption, we’re dating,” Seungmin laughs, and it’s more humorous this time; his voice lighter, as if with finally revealing his less-than-loving family history he’s gotten a huge weight off his chest. “That’s weird.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dating</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Fake-dating,” Jeongin corrects him - quietly, in case of accidental eavesdroppers -, and his mouth feels slightly heavy pronouncing that first syllable. “Boyfriends get adopted into the family, regardless. Not that I’ve ever had one that I’ve introduced to my family before - but either way, my family love you. You’re definitely a part of us now, like it or not.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The unspoken uncertainty about the future hangs between the two like a lead balloon, silent questions of </span>
  <em>
    <span>what happens after this?</span>
  </em>
  <span> and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Will I ever even see your family again after this year to </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>be</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> really adopted into it?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Going unheard but very much felt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin pulls away, suddenly overtly aware of the length of their hug, and startles when he feels lips on his forehead, pressing against the warm skin there for one, two, three seconds before Seungmin pulls away. Jeongin stays statue-still, frozen in place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Seungmin repeats, “for listening to me, and for showing me what love is through your family. I’m really lucky to have met you, Jeongin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jeongin thinks to himself as he pulls away and reverts to sitting as his own person next to Seungmin again, staring into the fairy lights hanging on the Christmas tree rather than focusing on the hammering of his heartbeat within his ribs. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What love is.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s later in the day, and Seungmin had decided to go for a walk in the snow just a little while ago. Not wanting to be caught up in the flurry of icy cold weather, Jeongin opts to stay inside, roaming empty corridors lined with gold until he finds his grandmother in the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The scent of cinnamon and apple turns the air a warm, sparkling hue, and instantly Jeongin sinks into the familiarity of it; memories of his childhood spent clinging to his grandmother’s legs and perched on her countertops as she allowed him to help her bake a great variety of sweet treats floating around his head as plentiful as air particles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you making?” he asks, and she smiles warmly, hands pressing down and over and down again as she kneads pastry against the wooden countertop; light spilling in from the overhead window and hitting the countertop and ingredients just right. It looks like a scene right out of an animation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cinnamon and apple roses,” she replies, using a floury, pastry-lumped hand to beckon him closer. “Come and help your dear grandmother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gladly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They bake in comfortable silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying being together again as their hands work on autopilot from muscle memory, and suddenly the feeling of overwhelming nostalgia hits Jeongin; the notion that he’s been so lucky to grow up with his grandmother thus far and stay close to her in both distance and emotion… he really is so, so lucky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, grandmother,” he breaks the silence, hands pausing mid-pastry roll. “Thank you for always loving and supporting me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, my Jeongin.” Cupping his face in flour-caked hands, Jeongin’s grandmother smiles widely and pinches his cheeks gently. “I love you more than anything. And I’m also very glad to see how happy you are with your Seungmin - he seems like a lovely boy too, we were just talking a little while ago.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course - likely when Seungmin had led his grandmother into the main living room before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Young love… it reminds me of when your grandfather and I were courting.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Grabbing the baking apples and peeling them before setting them to one side to be sliced, Jeongin hums thoughtfully, prompting further elaboration. The apples are sweet, the scent of their ripeness adding to the lingering cinnamon in the air. It smells like Christmas. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes… it was likely very different to courting these days, but no less magical. He would drive me to the beach late at night, in summer after I’d sneak out of my bedroom window, and we’d kick off our shoes and run into the sea. I’d always come home soaking wet and tasting of salt, but it was always worth it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin gasps. “You used to sneak out?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More than I’d stay in, my dear. Oh, you needn’t look so surprised - you’d likely gape at any other endeavours I told you of at this rate.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Apple peeled, Jeongin begins slicing them into wafer-thin slices, enough that when held up, the sunlight filters through each individual piece. “Do tell.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, in the winter when it was far too cold to splash about in the sea, we would take turns, all bundled up against the cold, sneaking out to each other’s houses at night, where we would sit in the front garden, backs against the housing walls so we couldn’t be spotted by our parents, and sit there with mugs of cocoa, talking and talking. It’s been… </span>
  <em>
    <span>fifty two</span>
  </em>
  <span> years now, and we’ve still never exhausted our conversation topics.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fifty two years, and still haven’t run out of things to talk about</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s such a sweet notion; one that Jeongin aches for. To find that one person with whom you could talk to forever, and never feel tired, or bored, or stuck for ideas. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin feels like that with his friends; with Felix and Hyunjin and Chan and Jisung and -- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, well… with Seungmin, too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But with the latter… things feel different. As if the wind in the air have nudged things just a speck to the right, and in doing so have changed Jeongin’s entire emotional course. He’s been knocked off-track, instead being hurried down a path of entirely new feelings, and thoughts, and needs; he needs - he needs Seungmin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The warmth that he feels in his chest as his grandmother describes her and her husband’s early escapades has nothing to do with the sweetness of the tales, Jeongin realises, as he has heard the some of these stories again and again, and although he will never tire of hearing them, he distantly registers that it’s no longer the longing for someone to share such memories with that causes such a stirring within his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s the longing to share such memories with somebody - with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he shakes his head and tunes back into his grandmother’s words, sprinkling cinnamon and spices over the apple slices before adding them to boiling sugar-water, that same groundbreaking thought plays over and over within his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day before Christmas Eve -- dubbed by the kids as </span>
  <em>
    <span>Christmas Eve Eve!</span>
  </em>
  <span> -- and despite the relaxed nature of simply lounging about the lodge, resting and taking walks around the grounds lined with tall trees to spot robins within the branches -- it’s a surprisingly hectic day for Jeongin, who conveniently forgot </span>
  <em>
    <span>all about</span>
  </em>
  <span> the gifts he’d brought for his family that he had still yet to wrap up. It’s a Christmas tradition since starting university for Jeongin to steal his mother’s wrapping paper, since he always forgets to buy it in the first place, and sneaks it out of her room as she pretends not to notice its absence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a little silly, but that small act of childish play somehow fills Jeongin with excited joy. He feels a little like a kid again; small innocent acts meant to spread love having such a positive effect on the both of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d been relatively meticulous with gifts this year - having finally landed a good part-time job before summer that paid quite better than his past jobs, he’d been able to afford more </span>
  <em>
    <span>thoughtful</span>
  </em>
  <span> gifts for each of his family members, including sensory toys for Yuna’s development and a gift each for Yeji and Younghun according to their more recent interests. Now, he sits on his bed, tucked away in his and Seungmin’s room after the kids have gone to bed, (he has to be careful to avoid any of them bursting in and ruining their surprises before Christmas Day) wrapping up each one with painstaking care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Holding the paper in place with one finger, the struggle to turn around the pick on the roll of tape is almost too much for Jeongin to manage with one spare hand. He sighs and leans toward, leaning his chin onto the half-wrapped gift to keep the paper held down, and hums in triumph as he finally gets both hands free to peel back and tear off a strip of tape. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door opens with a squeak, and the room suddenly fills with Seungmin’s laughter as he takes in Jeongin’s current predicament; folded right over on the bed, ass in the air and chin holding some damn paper in place as he scrabbles at a roll of tape, surrounded with more rolls of wrapping paper and tiny bows to stick onto each gift. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look so dumb right now,” Seungmin comments, and Jeongin snorts, but doesn’t move; unwilling to give up his amazing wrapping fluke to respond verbally. Finally, he manages to unpeel the end of the tape, tearing a strip off and sticking the paper down before letting himself sit up properly, rearranging himself so that he’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring Seungmin down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m wrapping gifts,” he says simply. “I never have tape or anything at university, so I just bring my family’s gifts here and wrap them using the stuff I steal from my mother.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s theft,” Seungmin teases, but makes his way over to the bed anyway, gingerly moving an unravelled roll of wrapping paper away to make room and taking care to not disturb any other objects on the duvet. “Want some help? I can hold stuff down so that you’re not hurting your back folding yourself in half like that.” There’s a twinkle of laughter in his eyes and staining his voice, and Jeongin swats at him, pretending to be annoyed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, fine. But you’ll mention what you saw to </span>
  <em>
    <span>nobody</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m un-seeing as we speak,” Seungmin laughs, and holds up an unwrapped gift; a circular box containing some hand-painted drinks coasters. “These next?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. They’re for my grandparents - which paper should I use?” The three differ quite a lot: there’s cartoon-patterned paper obviously aimed at the kids’ gifts, versus one brown paper patterned with golden snowflakes, and then one plain red. Seungmin points at the brown and gold roll of wrapping paper, and Jeongin picks it up, measuring roughly how much he’ll need by placing the coaster box onto the paper and flipping it over before grabbing his scissors and cutting carefully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wrap gifts so prettily,” Seungmin comments as Jeongin sets the box down flat onto the paper, using deft fingers to fold the wrapping paper up and over the top in a formation that looks borderline </span>
  <em>
    <span>geometric</span>
  </em>
  <span> in its art before asking for Seungmin’s hand to hold down each fold as he breaks off the tape to hold it in place. “It looks like an art form.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin laughs. “It’s just gift wrapping.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin could never giftwrap, he explains to the younger. It always ends up a mess of scrunched up, creased paper clumsily stuck together with too much tape and a huge bow on top to hide the mess. Jeongin laughs at the mental image.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here, I’ll teach you then.” Finishing up on the coasters, Jeongin peels back the sticky paper on the stick-on ribbon bows sitting prettily in their little packet on Seungmin’s pillow, and tacks it onto the parcel before setting it aside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He scans the bed full of gifts, and his eyes land on a simple jewelry box, wooden and hand-painted for Yeji to keep her own costume jewelry safe and sound in. It’s the perfect, simple shape for easy wrapping, so he picks it up, deciding that this will be the best option to start with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, uhh, boxes and flat things are easiest, so we’ll start here. Here’s the paper-” he lifts the cartoon-patterned roll out of the sea of abandoned sheets of other wrapping paper and cute it to a size that will do nicely - “so you lay it down flat, and then push each side of the paper up so that it meets on the top of the box like this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To his credit, Seungmin is paying apt attention, watching his hands almost unblinkingly and nodding at every point Jeongin makes. It’s almost comedic, how seriously he’s taking something as trivial as gift-wrapping, but it’s also… </span>
  <em>
    <span>endearing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and almost painfully so. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right before he’s about to reach for the tape, Jeongin lets go of all the paper, watching as it unfolds automatically, falling away from the wooden box it once surrounded. “Now you try.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Seungmin panics visibly. “After just one demonstration?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Use the folds from my attempt as guidelines.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s mundane, really, such a small task that they’re now sharing between them; but it’s not out of obligation, it’s out of choice, a small reaching gesture of </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll help you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and perhaps that’s why it makes Jeongin feel so warm inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But there’s another reason for the fuzziness that only grows when Seungmin visibly struggles with the paper; another reason for the way his entire body feels like it goes slack for a split second when Seungmin looks up to meet his gaze, mid-giggle as another fold of paper slips from beneath clumsy fingers. Another reason for the way his stomach lurches as Seungmin leans forward to take the tape from his hands, and Jeongin has to stop himself from reaching forward and taking those same fingers and intertwining them within his own, holding them safe between his own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those self-same hands that broke noses and were blood stained last week, are soft and gentle today and Jeongin finds himself wanting to hold his hands either way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...There. I didn’t do that half badly, if I do say so myself,” Seungmin holds the package up, proud and almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>glowing</span>
  </em>
  <span> at his achievement. Jeongin swallows the way his heart leaps into his throat and nods, smiling tersely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did great,” he praises, and Seungmin puts the gift aside, scouring the bed for the next gift to wrap, babbling about how he’s now a </span>
  <em>
    <span>professional</span>
  </em>
  <span> and will wrap </span>
  <em>
    <span>all of these gifts in record time</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Jeongin chuckles, and sets about helping him - and soon, in </span>
  <em>
    <span>record time indeed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as dubbed by Jeongin once he realises there are no more gifts to wrap - the bed becomes increasingly devoid of supplies; two rolls out of three are completely bare cardboard tubes, and the bag of stick-on bows are completely empty. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stacking the gifts into a pile next to the wardrobe, Jeongin crosses over to their door and pushes it firmly closed. “Now we have to make sure the kids don’t get in here or it’ll be game over once they see our present supply.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have space in the wardrobe, right? Just in case they barrel in one day.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin’s right - there’s ample space in the bottom of the wardrobe. “Kim Seungmin, I like the way you think.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do have a remarkable mind, I know.” Seungmin flips imaginary hair over his shoulder and Jeongin laughs heartily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I just realised. This is the first time I think I’ve ever seen you without any bruises. How does it feel?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a refreshing change, I’ll admit that,” Seungmin flexes his knuckles as if to show off the lack of pain littered there. “It’s mostly to do with being in such a loving environment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room stills, and the air hangs in silence for a minute or two before Jeongin inhales deeply, deciding to ask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin… why </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> you fight? You’re always injured… why do you do it to yourself?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin cracks one eye open from where he’d let them fall closed in comfort, and turns to face Jeongin fully. “I mean… I never </span>
  <em>
    <span>choose</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, not really. I just step in when others are being mistreated. Mostly homophobes and people harassing others.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “You step in when people are being threatened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Seungmin smiles. “Like when I stepped in that night at the party. I’d just beaten up this homophobe earlier on in the night who was trying to attack a gay couple for dancing together. It was disgusting.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Protector.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you always get hurt too,” Jeongin whispers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes we have to get hurt for the sake of others,” Seungmin lifts one shoulder in a lopsided shrug, uncaring. “If it means I’ve deterred another shithead from hurting others, even just for a night, then I know I’ve helped someone who was undeserving and otherwise vulnerable.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Safety.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m always reasonable, until someone chooses to push limits. Sometimes you </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be unreasonable, even if it’s wrong,” Seungmin carries on. “I know fighting is wrong and you shouldn’t fight fire with fire, but if I can fight and others can’t? It’s cruel to stand and let them be harassed like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s… so good of you, Min,” Jeongin says quietly. “I understand now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Hopefully you don’t think I’m some kind of violent monster, now…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never thought that,” Jeongin argues weakly, but the voice in the back of his mind reminds him that he’s lying. “Not after getting to know you, that is. Before I met you, all I knew of you was a reputation.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that is what’s so misleading in life,” Seungmin whispers, “that unless you get to know somebody, all you’ll ever know of them is the cruel reflection left by someone else’s mirrors.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now, with a wardrobe full of individually wrapped gifts, whenever one of the two open it for a change of clothes they’ll be welcomed with a festive glare of wrapping paper; and Seungmin, beautiful Seungmin both inside and out, teaching Jeongin through this journey alone to </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> base an assumption on what other people merely observe. Perfection - serving as a tiny reminder that joy hides in the strangest of places, sometimes where you’d never ever think to look for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And sometimes, it’s the people we never expect that puts it there in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s Christmas Eve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The weather is icy as usual, but today Jeongin feels no bone-numbing chill as he and Seungmin trudge through the thick snow with exaggerated movements, having to pull their legs up to their knees with every step to effectively dislodge the snow that weighs their boots down pso heavily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The snowfall has long since ceased, but the frost keeps the thick, thick blanket thriving and alive beneath the two as they walk side by side, close enough that their arms brush more often than they are apart. It’s a nice feeling, Jeongin doesn’t even need to decide it; the warm company of a dear friend against the cold world around them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Due to the lack of snowfall and consequent clear skies, Jeongin stops walking for a minute, simply letting his legs sink calf-deep into the snow as he simply stares up at the sky, not unlike how he had gazed into the void all those weeks ago, on his way to the convenience store. Back then, he had been so unsure; so many questions burning and raging within his mind on an endless spin cycle. But now… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, with Seungmin beside him, silent and understanding, Jeongin can feel every other thought grind to a comfortable halt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin is saltwater in Jeongin’s lungs; he’s not necessarily </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be there but still fills the space in his chest perfectly, as if it were air all along. He’s dangerous; perhaps he’s a threat to Jeongin, but somehow, Jeongin finds that there is still oxygen within him, more than enough to keep him going, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathes</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is alive. More than that -- he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>living</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The Pleiades,” Seungmin points out, using one hand to point up at the sky, a little to the right over their heads. “My favourite constellation.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin startles, unable to stop his mouth from stretching into a wide grin. “Your favourite one? Which others do you know?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin smiles back, a secret between the two of them, and Jeongin feels himself melting inside, melting like the snow that would stick to their boots before being placed in front of the fire to dry in the evening. Forcing himself to tear his eyes away from the stars that are only ever visible in Seungmin’s smiling eyes, Jeongin looks back up at the sky for his friend to point out new constellations. Sure, he knows a fair few himself, but the atmosphere is just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm</span>
  </em>
  <span>, contrasting to their physical setting so beautifully that he can’t bring himself to speak up and risk slicing straight through the serene calmness that has settled around the two of them; a warm embrace after a long day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Taurus is right there, beneath the Pleiades, and then over there is Orion -- you can find him by his belt, you see those three particularly bright stars over here?” Seungmin is saying, and Jeongin tunes back in enough to nod, head spinning at the feeling of Seungmin leaning in close to gain a better vantage point for pointing effectively to Jeongin’s own perspective. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I always find it’s easier to stargaze when you’re laying down,” Jeongin says suddenly, and Seungmin turns to him, blinking silently, gaze questioning, before Jeongin lets a small giggle slip, mischievous, </span>
  <em>
    <span>devious</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and in one fell swoop he grabs Seungmin’s bicep and lets himself fall backwards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you-- </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Seungmin gasps as their backs hit the snow, bodies engulfed in what could quickly become deathly temperature offset by an innocent appearance of cotton. Jeongin giggles again at the sound of Seungmin’s surprise; the lilting notes of happiness being released directly up into the stars, which seem to glow just a little brighter at the sound. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There,” Jeongin whispers. “Now we can see more… without getting a head-rush from leaning back all the time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their thermal gear does little to warm them up, but for the time being, Jeongin can feel the last tendrils of body heat sticking to him determinedly, and so he deems it safe enough to indulge, even just for a few fleeting moments.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeongin, we’re going to freeze and fall ill,” Seungmin scolds, but there’s no bite between his words as he wiggles about, getting comfortable on the ground. “Just a few minutes and then we’ll have to head right back to warm back up, yeah?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jeongin murmurs, turning his head to look at the side profile of the boy who is so blissfully unaware of the younger’s hidden affections for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And as Seungmin points out star after star after star, completely transfixed on the sky as he talks, Jeongin watches his face; admires the curve of his plush lips and how they move as he speaks; gazes adoringly at the slope of his nose and the mole next to his mouth, a tiny beauty mark and unique star all of his own. Jeongin wants to reach out, to run his thumb over that spot; perhaps press his lips to it and vocalise how Seungmin’s imperfections have come to be even more precious to him than any star in the sky could ever be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he keeps silent, as always. A quiet observer, finding beauty everywhere yet never being brave enough to speak it into existence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With Seungmin, however, he’s different. He feels a little braver, sometimes. Perhaps soon, he’ll find it within him to draw out the confidence he always wishes he could have and tell Seungmin every single thought and feeling he’s been harbouring for him these past few weeks in particular. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This week, especially</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Perhaps, perhaps one day…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... but we should definitely head back now,” Seungmin announces, and Jeongin blinks back to reality, disappointed as Seungmin stands up first, brushing the back of his legs off as best he can with snow clinging to his gloves before offering his hand to Jeongin, who is still laying in the snow, dumbfounded. Jeongin takes the hand, and although there’s a disappointing lack of warmth due to the snow covering most of them and their clothing, there’s nothing preventing Jeongin from feeling the soloid weight of Seungmin’s hand in his; the way he doesn’t disappear when their hands connect, and tighten around each other, and pull. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>real.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s real and true and palpable, and if Jeongin is completely honest, it does unbelievable things to his heart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A new feeling of </span>
  <em>
    <span>safety</span>
  </em>
  <span> hits Jeongin like a tonne of bricks, and he has to fight to stay standing as the realisation that this safety is caused by Seungmin himself… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His entire life Jeongin has been running; running from failure, and potential disappointments, and keeping up a charade of being this untouchable, perfect student; perfect son; perfect friend. Finally, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he realises, he has somewhere to fall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With Seungmin, he has a place to fall, and to exist, and to </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span>. No expectations or reputation of greatness, just </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jeongin</span>
  </em>
  <span> and every single false he’s riddled with. And that, in itself, is pretty perfect, Jeongin realises. It’s more perfect than he could ever have imagined. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky we only stopped a little while away from the lodge, or else we’d be in huge trouble,” Seungmin comments, and then he’s pulling Jeongin back in the direction they came, hands still intertwined, never letting go or loosening his grip even for a second. Jeongin’s heart falters - unlike Seungmin’s hold on him - and he struggles to pull himself back into a more present state of mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They reach the lodge feeling frozen to the core and sit in front of the fire for a good half-hour before they finally feel warm within their bodies again, but after a few moments of quiet laughter about how admittedly stupid they’d just been, both boys come to the mutual, yet silent, conclusion that perhaps the irresponsible risk to their health had been worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>On Christmas Morning, what is supposed to be a calm day full of fun and relaxing is suddenly interrupted by one - or rather, two - particularly wriggly bodies who manage to squirm their way into Jeongin and Seungmin’s room and use surprising body strength to pull themselves up onto the bed, choosing to attack Jeongin first, as he sleeps closest to the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jeongie Jeongie!,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> shrieks Yeji, as Younghun pats his cheek roughly, “It’s Christmas! Mommy said we could come and wake you just this once, because it’s Christmas morning! Wake up, wake up Seungminnie!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin groans quietly, and the - very hard - pillow beneath his head rises and falls; a hand falls onto his head and his eyes fly open, finding that his pillow is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> a pillow -- it’s Seungmin’s chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’d been sleeping on Seungmin the whole night</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“Merry Christmas, Yeji, Younghun,” a gravelly voice says, and the fingers in Jeongin’s hair begin to card through the strands there, gently, coaxing him awake -- has Jeongin </span><em><span>only</span></em> <em><span>just</span></em><span> noticed Seungmin’s morning voice?</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did I roll into your side of the bed in the night?” Jeongin asks, and Seungmin hums, breathing steadily. Beneath his head, Jeongin can hear Seungmin’s erratic heartbeat. He knows exactly how the other feels - it’s a huge fright to be awoken so unexpectedly in the morning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about that, then.” Jeongin apologises, but makes absolutely zero effort to move.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be. We were still freezing from laying in the snow, probably. Bodyheat is the best way to warm up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Excuses, excuses - or, at least, it’s an excuse Jeongin is willing to go with. At least now he doesn’t have to deal with any other </span>
  <em>
    <span>implications</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeji and Younghun have long since taken to leaping about on the bed, narrowly missing Jeongin and Seungmin’s (tangled) legs each time they land, but right now, the only thing Jeongin feels physically able to focus on is the man he’s managed to end up completely intertwined with over the course of Christmas Eve night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As lovely as having Yeji and Younghun come in to wake them and start their day off with a little excitement, Jeongin can’t help but wish that he’d had a little longer to sleep. To maybe… lay there, undisturbed in Seungmin’s arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin presses a chaste kiss to Jeongin's hair, lingering there for a few seconds as he simply breathes, waking up slowly and carding his fingers through soft red hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Min, what are you doing?" Jeongin mumbles, sleepy and thick. He lowers his voice, the kids too distracted with jumping on the bed by his feet to hear his words. "We don't have to prove anything to the kids."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know," Seungmin whispers, pressing his nose into Jeongin's hair just a little further than before; intimate, warm, safe. "I just wanted to."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, maybe Jeongin wants to do something too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bout of courage drawn from the affection he just received, Jeongin turns his head, darting up to press a swift, barely-there kiss to Seungmin’s jaw before sliding right out of his hold, body on </span>
  <em>
    <span>fire</span>
  </em>
  <span> as he sits on the very edge of their bed and using the kids as a distraction before he starts screaming aloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, no more jumping on the bed. Come here, little monsters,” he orders, dragging them both into a tight hug as they squeal down his ears, making him cringe and groan. “Has Santa been, hmm?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeji goes limp in his arms, giggling as he slumps forward to catch her properly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but that’s because you hadn’t woken up yet! Now we can go and see if he’s visited!” Younghun practically screams, and behind Jeongin, Seungmin chuckles, the duvet rustling as he sits up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, we can’t keep you waiting, now can we? Give us a few minutes to get dressed,” he says softly, sounding decidedly more awake than his original morning greeting, and part of Jeongin whines at the loss of his morning voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t get dressed on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Christmas</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Younghun shrieks, and Jeongin laughs, picking him up off the bed and placing him back onto the ground, where he jumps about in barely-contained excitement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Family tradition,” Jeongin explains, not meeting Seungmin’s eyes for fear of turning a fiery red. “It’s the one day a year we stay in our pyjamas for the majority of the morning… makes things feel a little more special.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds amazing,” Seungmin breathes, and then he’s slipping on his slippers as fast as lightning, hurrying to the other side of the bed, where he picks Yeji up with ease, spinning her around in circles as she laughs in ecstasy. “Will you permit me to brush my teeth first, oh young one?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes!” Yeji giggles, pretending to waft her hand in front of her nose, wrinkling it in fake disgust. “Always brush your teeth when you wake up!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’ve been raised well,” Seungmin comments, placing Yeji on the bed beside Jeongin before scurrying into the en-suite, making fast work of his morning hygiene routine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> Siyeon, anyway -- hey Yeji, where’s mommy, hmm?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeji giggles, a ball of happiness. “Mommy and Jisoo went to check whether Santa came. Yuna got to go with her, which is </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> unfair.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin laughs at Yeji’s overdramatic pouting. “Yuna is still a baby, Yeji. She won’t have any idea who Santa </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>, yet.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once Seungmin emerges from the bathroom he and Jeongin swap roles, and Jeongin has to slap himself as he realises as he brushes his teeth that he’s considering just how </span>
  <em>
    <span>domestic</span>
  </em>
  <span> they’re being. Siyeon </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> knew what the hell she was doing when she sent the kids in to wake them up, and Jeongin honestly doesn’t know whether that was a blessing or a curse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fully refreshed and clean, the four of them venture out into the main living room; Jeongin and Seungmin grinning as the kids squeal in childlike delight at the sight of presents displayed by the fireplace and an exclamation from Jisoo that Santa </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> come after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeongin, Seungmin, come sit,” Jeongin’s mother beckons, and Seungmin bows lightly before taking a seat on one of the sofas, the same one they had sat on during their first full day here; the one right by the fire, which serves as a mild disadvantage as the heat from the flames only manages to lull Jeongin back into a half-asleep state that not even the delighted yells of Yeji and Younghun unwrapping their presents can jar him out of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With one foot already back in dreamland, Jeongin only vaguely registers the feeling of being moved about with gentle touches; a shoulder slowly pushes its way behind his back whilst a warm hand redirects his lolling head into the crook of someone’s neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But even half-asleep, Jeongin can recognise that scent by now, and for once he doesn’t fight his urges to reciprocate the skinship, and the last thing he registers is allowing himself to slide his arms around Seungmin’s waist, and the feeling of Seungmin sliding an arm around his waist too; his free hand coming to rest on the side of Jeongin’s face that isn’t pressed into his neck and letting his thumb stroke the highest part of the cheekbone there in small, repetitive movements until he finally succumbs back to warm, protected slumber.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As every Christmas does, the day passes by too quickly for anybody’s liking, and once Jeongin gets over the embarrassment of waking up in the same position and realising that his entire family had cooed over him in his slumber, he gathers his wits enough to remember the gifts they he and Seungmin still have stashed in their wardrobe. With the excuse of finally getting dressed (in the time he’d stayed asleep his family had left one by one to change into their day clothes, mostly consisting of horrible Christmas jumpers), he leaves to retrieve the pile of gifts to hand out, with Seungmin following closely behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I fell asleep on you again,” Jeongin acknowledges as they walk back up the carpeted stairs, side by side. Jeongin feels his way up the bannister with his left hand, feeling the tinsel wrapped around it move smoothly beneath his fingers. Seungmin hums. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It was cute.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I was gonna apologise, but-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t do that. You can fall asleep on me whenever you’d like,” Seungmin says simply, and Jeongin’s heart feels for a moment as if it leaps right out of his chest. “We’re getting the gifts for your family too, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, those too.” Jeongin’s glad that Seungmin is still otherwise unaware of the gift that Jeongin himself had brought for him, too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They reach their room, and Jeongin makes a beeline for his bedside drawer as Seungmin begins to pull today’s clothing of choice from the wardrobe, back turned and unaware of Jeongin’s ministrations. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Min?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Seungmin turns around, two coathangers in his hand, but he hands them on the door of the now-open wardrobe as Jeongin beckons him over, neatly-wrapped gift in hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The paper he used is red, and a gold bow sits prettily on the top. Jeongin always </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> like that colour combination.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a gift for you, too, but I wanted to give it to you here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Innie…” Seungmin suddenly looks emotional, and Jeongin averts his eyes quickly. “You didn’t have to get me anything. Simply letting me be here is enough of a gift for me.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Being here, with you… and your family. But you most of all…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> a favour by coming here,” Jeongin laughs a little and brushes it off. “Here, take it. It’s really nothing much, but I wanted you to have </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> to open from me.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>I want you to know that I care for you and your interests.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anything from you is a gift that I will forever treasure,” Seungmin whispers, before he breaks that herculean-strength eye contact before Jeongin himself can combust into a million pieces right there and then.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Undoing the paper carefully, choosing to unpeel the tape and unfold the wrapping rather than tear the paper away (which makes Jeongin laugh, until Seungmin innocently comments on </span>
  <em>
    <span>not wanting to undo Jeongin’s hard work</span>
  </em>
  <span>), he finds a thick handheld notebook, its spine held together with only its glue binding - no spine - and so making for perfect opening wherever one would want to, without having to forcibly hold the pages open to write in it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cover is hard and unbendable, but the pages are sturdy, and it’s separated into sections of different neon colours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lightning Strikes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, says the red section in black font, left corner; </span>
  <em>
    <span>Big Ideas</span>
  </em>
  <span>, reads the orange. Yellows, blues, greens and lilacs make up the remaining sections, each imprinted with small titles of different genres of inspiration. Accompanying the book is a fountain pen with two refillable cartridges of ink; one blue, and one silver. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had taken a few admitted days of contemplation, but Jeongin had decided to write on the inside of the book, on the first page. He’d always loved having inscribed books from those close to him, but he made this one so that if Seungmin wanted to, he could rip out the page with his message on it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There’s no pressure to keep it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Regardless, the written text, having taken longer than usual due to Jeongin writing with slow, careful pen strokes to make his writing look as neat as possible, he had written: </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For your Big Ideas and Creative Analysis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now you have somewhere to store the hidden beauty you seem to find in every movie whether the script authors meant for it to be there or not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Never let your talent fade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Jeongin</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Growing antsy after a few seconds that stretch on like a stubborn elastic band, Jeongin begins shifting about on the bed. “You don’t have to keep that page, I know it might be a little annoying that you weren’t the first to write in the book. You can rip it out if you’d like.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Jeongin,” Seungmin closes the book with shaky hands, places it with the pens onto Jeongin’s bedside and, without any warning, engulfs Jeongin in an emotional embrace. His voice sounds teary when he speaks next. “Thank you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not much, I know, but... “</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you put so much thought into it. You bought it specially for my interests and tendency to over-analyse anything with a script or lyrics,” Seungmin laughs wetly into Jeongin’s neck, who holds him tighter at the sensation of his skin growing damp. “You listen to me, and take my quirks into account, and this gift… is so, so meaningful due to that. Thank you, Jeongin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Seungmin’s not the only emotional one in the room. The weight of Seungmin’s words finally sinks in. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course</span>
  </em>
  <span> - Seungmin, whose family rejected him solely because of who he loves; Seungmin, whose reputation precedes his ability to make many friends although all he does is stick up for those who can’t against particularly violent people. After taking that into account, Jeongin can really understand why Seungmin is so particularly touched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he whispers, taking his own turn to hold Seungmin and stroke </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> hair instead, and realises just how nice it feels to hold the person you love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Innie, we were going to drive out today and visit the skiing resort nearby. Did you want to join?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking up from the small cross-stitch kit he’d stolen (read: been given willingly) from Siyeon a few hours priorly, Jeongin nods. “Sounds fun. Seungmin, you wanna come along too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If not you’re more than welcome to stay here, and our grandparents will be here too if you want company,” Siyeon chimes helpfully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin closes his book and stands, knee-length skirt swishing about his legs silkily. “Sure, I’ll just change into something a little more weather-friendly.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin pouts at Seungmin’s retreating back, and Siyeon laughs, walking further into the room to sit in the newly vacated space across the room from Jeongin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He should have kept the skirt on,” Jeongin mutters sulkily, and Siyeon snorts louder, clearly enjoying his misfortune. “It looks good.” And indeed it did - a black and white checked skirt paired with a pair of thick doc martens? Jeongin had almost died on the spot when Seungmin walked out of the bathroom this morning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The kids are gonna come with, too, so we’ll probably stick by the smaller slopes for the time being - but if you and Seungmin want to go and tackle the taller slopes then that’s fine by the rest of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin pulls a face. “I’d rather stick to the small sloper, too. The tall ones are terrifying. What if I just fall down one face-first? I’d never be able to stop.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siyeon snickers. “I can see that happening to you, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ Jeongie?” Yeji scampers into the room, bundled up in thick layers of skiwear. “Are you coming skiing with us?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am indeed,” Jeongin hums, picking her up and placing her on his hip; the task proving more difficult than usual due to how round Yeji has become with her thermals. “Seungmin too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeji squeals down his ear, and Siyeon tuts, one hand reaching out to pull her away, but Jeongin swats at her, uncaring. “Will you be my skiing partner, Jeongie?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Jeongin agrees with exaggerated airs. “Who else would I have to hold my hand and stop me from falling over into the snow?” Last year, they had done the same thing - Yeji, being four back then, had taken her first skiing trip and had clung to Jeongin the whole time. It warms his heart to know she remembers that and so keenly wants a repeat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll stop your falls!” Yeji repeats, over and over, bouncing away in Jeongin’s arms. The movement makes him stumble around a little, and he pretends to vibrate; much to Yeji’s delight, and she bounces even faster for a better reaction from Jeongin. Younghan joins them not long after, and then Jisoo, holding Yuna, who’s bundled up so much that she resembles a tiny marshmallow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is Yuna old enough to ski?” Jeongin asks concernedly, having mental images of the one year-old falling into some snow and sinking right below the surface. Jisoo shakes her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think we’d be allowed to bring her on the slopes if we wanted to, but there’s also the sledging slopes and more baby-friendly activities too. I thought it would be fun to tag along anyhow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take her sledging if you wanna ski at some point,” Jeongin offers, and jostles Yeji, who’s gone still after all her bounciness. “What do you say to some sledging as well as skiing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeees,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Yeji replies, and Jeongin nods. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then that’s a done deal.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s then that Seungmin re-enters, this time appropriately dressed for skiing in thick snow, and everybody takes this as their cue to leave - Jeongin doesn’t need to change his own clothes, due to his lack of skiing attire. He can hire some skiing clothes once they reach the resort, and Seungmin can hire some too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go?” Seungmin asks him as they walk out of the lodge together, and Jeongin feels a hand just barely touching the small of his back. He wants to lean back into the touch </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> badly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Jeongin turns his head to peek up at Seungmin, eyes catching on the glossy sheen evenly coating his lips, just slightly pinker than usual. “Are you wearing lipgloss?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am, do you like it?” Perhaps in another time, another </span>
  <em>
    <span>reality</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Seungmin would slide his arms around Jeongin’s waist, enabling the younger to cup his face and admire the shade better. But today, all Jeongin can do is nod and force his gaze away from the tempting sight in front of him, turning back to the snow in front of his feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s pretty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... you should wear it more often.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Perhaps I will, honey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin almost trips over his own feet and face-plants into the snow. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Honey</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His heart jolts. A little way in front of them, Siyeon guffaws loudly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never seen Jeongin short-circuit like that before,” she laughs, cackling like a witch when she looks back at Jeongin’s red face. “Call him pet names more often.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Right.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Keeping up appearances. Jeongin’s heart sinks, though he works hard to prevent it from doing so. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Remember what you’re doing here</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Faking a relationship is a dangerous game, and Jeongin knows he’s already lost. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The skiing resort is vast, and hugely outdoors, covered with a thick layer of snow not unlike the rest of their small corner of the world, and the impressive slopes are so picturesque, the tiny figurines of people sliding down them at impressive speeds, mimic the designs on a Christmas card that Jeongin once received a few years back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>People mill in and out of the entrance, and once Siyeon’s car manages to find a parking space and they meet up with the carload of family they all head towards the entrance; Jeongin dragging Seungmin over to a small hut where skiwear is for hire whilst the rest of his family head for reception to pay the entry fee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin chooses white gear, whilst Jeongin goes for a baby pink, liking the way the fabric makes him look like his favourite type of marshmallow. Usually he doesn’t go for pink clothing, but this shade is just too inviting, making up for the softness he’s already feeling today. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We match like marshmallows,” Seungmin comments as they pull the gear on over their clothing, and Jeongin chuckles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess we do. Watch out for me dunking you in someone’s hot chocolate, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t dare.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin smirks, and scans the area for a hot chocolate stand. “Well, I see someone drinking hot chocolate right over there. Would be a shame if I were to buy some and make you into a real-life hot chocolate, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin snorts, and grabs Jeongin around his shoulders, holding on tight to prevent him from acting on his words, despite the younger’s joking tone. “Not today, marshmallow number two.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Today -- tod-ay sounds f-fine!” Jeongin struggles to speak through laughter, the words coming out garbled and shaky through peals of laughter, and Seungmin laughs with him, his grip loosening to just one arm around his waist. “Don’t think that because you’re covering up your me-prevention with affection that it’ll deter me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t thinking anything of the sort,” Seungmin quips, and then they catch sight of Jeongin’s family again, speeding up to join them faster and begin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo is going to check out the kid-friendly stuff for Yuna, but we’re going to head to the smaller slopes,” Jeongin’s mother summarises kindly, having watched the two make their way back and now mirroring her own matching smile at their antics. “You two can choose who you want to head with, or if you want to make your own way around yourselves.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ Jeongie is my ski partner!” Yeji runs up and tugs on Jeongin’s hand, and he grins down at her, nodding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll come with you guys. I can’t leave my skiing partner all alone, now can I?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Younghan decides to ‘pair’ with his mother instead of Seungmin, contrary to what Jeongin had been expecting, but it makes sense - only Siyeon could provide that sense of maternal safety if he’s a little scared of the slopes. They enter through a great sliding door separating the main reception, filled with benches and snow-tracked ground, into the great outdoors of mountains and huts containing skiing and snowboarding equipment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They get fitted with their skis, and then they’re off, sliding clumsily up to the first ski lift, only taking thirty seconds to get to the top of the smallest slope there. Yeji is raring to go beside Jeongin, but Seungmin is shifting uneasily, and it’s only then that it hits Jeongin that Seungmin may not have actually been skiing before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeji, just go and wait with mummy for a minute, okay? I’ll join you in a minute,” he promises, and turns to Seungmin. “Hey, have you ever skied before?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” Seungmin looks nervously down the slope and swallows obviously, “no.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you mention before? We’d have made sure you knew how to before coming up here!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to spoil the fun,” Seungmin admits, fiddling with his ski poles. “You were all so excited. I’m sure I can figure it out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised you’ve remained upright at all,” Jeongin sighs, turning back to Yeji and Siyeon. “Hey, Yeji? You know how you’re my number one favourite skiing partner?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nods and waits for him to continue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Seungmin hasn’t actually been skiing before and has still come all the way up this slope because he’s silly, so can you help me help him to ski? I know you’re a master at it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeji’s eyes light up, having initially expected to be left behind for a while. “Yes yes yes!” she agrees enthusiastically, and shuffles closer to Seungmin in the snow. “Minnie Minnie! Look at this. You put your feet like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>-” she adopts a teacher rule very fast, her expression comically stern, “and move your sticks like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And then you move down the hill like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She pushes off and goes zooming down the slope, and Siyeon snorts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And she’s off,” she comments, readying herself to go down after her. “I’ll go join her. You two come down when you’re ready.” and with that, she and Younghun go careening down too, and it’s then that Jeongin realises his parents have disappeared, too; they must have gone down before any of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“At least now everybody’s gone there’s less pressure on you,” Jeongin reasons, gentle in his attempts to not seem intimidating or superior in his ability to ski against Seungmin. He’s been in the unknowing position before, and it’s a horrible feeling. “Do you want to try moving around on level ground up here before you go down a slope? It’ll help with your balance.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin moves his skis backwards and forwards in the snow, testing the waters a little and wobbling all over the place. Jeongin giggles, placing a hand on his arm to steady him, and Seungmin grins. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah. It’ll be funny if I fall.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It will be </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> funny, but you might end up with hella injuries,” Jeongin warns. “Not to mention I’ll never let you forget it if you do fall.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll argue it’s worth the risk,” Seungmin sings, and then he pushes off; Jeongin shrieks, and he flies down the slope, leaving the younger stranded at the top. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” Jeongin swears, and pushes off right after him, his own descent being many times smoother than Seungmins. At first, the elder seems to do alright; he goes relatively slow, but manages to stay upright, but right as Jeongin passes him, he loses his balance and goes </span>
  <em>
    <span>flying</span>
  </em>
  <span> into the snow beneath him, face-planting and rolling down the remaining snow hill to the background music of laughter from Yeji and Younghun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my life,” worry seizes Jeongin in its gnarled hands, and he rushes to the bottom of the hill where Seungmin slows to a stop, more snow than human and -- and laughter; he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>That was great</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Seungmin gasps, struggling and slipping when he tries to stand, and as the rest of Jeongin’s family arrive to crowd around, Jeongin can faintly hear their own laughter joining in. “Oh my goodness, that was like flying until I fell.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stupid man,” Jeongin scolds, offering his hands for Seungmin to use to pull himself to his feet. “You could have gotten injured!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Siyeon howls, clutching her stomach. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I haven’t witnessed a wipeout like that in… </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, you’re worried,” Seungmin coos, using a snowy hand to cup Jeongin’s face. Jeongin pulls a face at the wet snow instead of the soothing touch that he was expecting. “I’m all fine, see?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t worried,” Jeongin grumbles, and turns to Yeji instead of the overwhelming </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> on Seungmin’s face that he’d rather not face right now. “Now then Yeji, I think I owe you a ski or two.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes… a while, admittedly, for Seungmin to grasp the art of skiing without falling, but after around an hour of practise he makes it down the first slope without falling or fatally wobbling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Character development</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as Jeongin’s father had deemed it. Jeongin just called it luck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, an hour of nonstop exercise is bound to tire people out, especially little tiny people going by the names of Yeji and Younghun. Soon they begin to complain of stiff legs and icy toes, and so everyone decides to go and sit in the nearby cafe for hot drinks and a chance to rest a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they’re out of the main mountainous area, the goggles are the first parts of the equipment to be ripped from Jeongin’s face, the glass having done its job in protecting his eyes from the wind but the rubber that pressed against his face had began to rub not too long ago, and felt uncomfortable; bordering on painful. It’s a relief to be rid of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone sheds their skis and walks over to the cafe, marvelling at how light their legs feel now that they’ve not got great boards of metal tied to them: </span>
  <em>
    <span>light as a feather,</span>
  </em>
  <span> as Jeongin’s mother commented, doing a little jig to show how light she felt without them. They sit at a table that grants them a good view of the slopes they had just vacated, and order hot drinks and slices of cake from the glass display at the till. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is your face okay? It looks sore,” Seungmin mentions, voice lowered so as to not disturb the general conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh, yeah - the goggles were rubbing a little,” Jeongin brings a hand up to his face, feeling the ridges beneath his fingers that are still imprinted in his skin. “Does it look like I have invisible goggles on still?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin chuckles. “Yeah, a little. Come here.” Pulling his chair closer to Jeongin’s, he lets go of his mug to bring both hands up to Jeongin’s face, using his thumbs to gently massage the angry red lines marring the younger’s face. “Does this feel okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Does this feel okay?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jeongin’s heart is about to leap out of his chest. “Yeah.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, good.” Although Jeongin’s sure that Seungmin’s movements are doing nothing to get rid of the goggle-marks on his face, he accepts it and all but melts into the touch, completely tuning out his family’s conversations; mind only focusing on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His touch is gentle with skin even softer than his intentions, and Jeongin lets his eyes slip closed, only able to feel the way Seungmin caresses the marks so carefully, tracing around his entire eye area and replacing the soreness with relaxed muscles and a sense of calmness that seems to radiate from his fingertips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He brings the pattern to a close where they began; right on the bridge of Jeongin’s nose, and trails his finger down the shape of it, right down to the end where he taps lightly, and Jeongin feels, rather than sees, the replacement of a finger with warm lips; a fleeting kiss that’s gone as soon as it arrived.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin keeps his eyes closed for just a second longer, letting himself believe just for a moment that the kiss was down to Seungmin </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanting</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do it, rather than out of obligation to make a fake relationship look real. When he opens his eyes, Seungmin is still gazing at him, eyes as soft as the cake in front of Jeongin and altogether twice as sweet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was sickening. I could </span>
  <em>
    <span>sense</span>
  </em>
  <span> the saccharine sweetness from across the entire resort,” Siyeon interrupts, cackling as Jeongin jumps in fright at her intrusion. Seungmin simply laughs at her words, and Jeongin grabs his drink, gulping down mouthfuls of bitter hazelnut instead of acknowledging his sister’s words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The feeling of lips on the tip of his nose never quite leaves Jeongin for the rest of the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jerking awake, drenched in sweat, Jeongin gasps, a tardy scream dying in his throat as he gulps air back into lungs that feel cold within his chest. Fear has its grips on Jeongin, and his entire body feels awful, like the blood has been drained from each individual cell, and although he awoke in a sitting position he feels unable to move, eyes darting around the dark room as if something were about to jump out at him, or move from shadow to shadow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cursing the busy day of skiing beforehand that probably caused the nightmares, he berates himself for being the way he is. Sometimes, after really full and energetic days like these, it’s like Jeongin’s mind can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>settle</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and takes on an energetic form instead of expelling the energy physically. It manifests in the form of bad dreams that make him jolt awake in terror. He hates it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t register the tears slipping down his cheeks until someone shifts beside him and a sleepy Seungmin sits up too, hands blindly feeling for Jeongin’s arms until they come into contact with him. The contact, although Seungmin lets go immediately after tracing Jeongin’s whereabouts, brings Jeongin crashing back to reality, and he releases a shaky breath slower than the last ones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeongin?” Palpable confusion colours the darkness in a shade of velveteen purple. “Are you okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bad dream,” is all Jeongin says, words quiet - still too quiet, even in the silence that only graces the world in the early hours of the morning. Even whilst he tries to distract himself, images of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>incredibly</span>
  </em>
  <span> unrealistic yet ever-so haunting dream flash behind his eyelids, and he screws his eyes closed, pressing the heels of his hands to them as if that’ll aid in forgetting them. Brightly coloured sparks explode in place of the images, and Jeongin withdraws his hands, scared to do damage to the sensitive assets by pressing down on them too hard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” The bedcovers rustle as Seungmin crosses the unspoken boundary between their ‘sides’ of the bed that hasn’t been crossed since that accidental Christmas Eve, and hovers a hesitant hand over Jeongin’s arm, where fearful heat still radiates, unsure whether or not to touch. “Do you wanna talk about it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes talking about it helps it leave your mind faster-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said no, Seungmin.” Jeongin winces at how harshly the words come out, and wants to stuff the tone back into his lungs where it came from, but no matter how he may wish, he can’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I touch you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin nods, wiping his face with his hands, and Seungmin lets his hands wander over Jeongin’s shoulders, rubbing comforting circles over his shoulder blade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come and lay back down,” Seungmin urges, but Jeongin grimaces, gesturing to his damp pyjamas. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m all gross and sweaty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you want to shower, baby?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Baby.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes longer than Jeongin should have taken to nod and pull the covers back, getting out of bed and gathering a fresh pair of pyjamas into his arms before standing under warm water, not bothering to turn the lights on. Within five minutes he’s fresh and clean, traces of sweat scrubbed away with Seungmin’s showergel that's scent provides more comfort than it should - but he leaves his hair unwashed - that can wait until the morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Seungmin is still awake when he returns, sitting up against his pillows with the bedside lamp turned on, casting a warm glow over the room that doesn’t hurt Jeongin’s eyes that were before accustomed to the darkness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could have gone back to sleep,” Jeongin argues weakly, but Seungmin only shrugs, lifting one shoulder in response as Jeongin climbs back into bed, the mattress still slightly warm from where he’d left it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes, after a fright, it’s nice to know you’re not alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh. “Thank you,” Jeongin busies himself with positioning his head into the most comfortable spot on his pillow instead of looking at the boy next to him, and Seungmin mirrors the action as he slips back beneath the covers. Jeongin inhales slowly, wanting to say something - anything - </span>
  <em>
    <span>what can he say?</span>
  </em>
  <span> - but before he can open his mouth Seungmin beats him to the chase, but instead of words come beautiful, breathtaking notes, and lyrics that wick Jeongin’s breath away again, but this time with safety, and warmth, instead of nightmares and fear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was a really hard day today</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My heart aches for you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The only thing I can do for you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is to be next to you, I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin is the one to breach the space between them, reaching across their bodies to find Jeongin’s hands, taking them within his own and holding them securely. Jeongin curls his fingers back around Seungmin’s, shuffling forward on the mattress and hugging their intertwined fingers close to his chest as he closes his eyes with a new sense of peace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re so pretty when you smile</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So every time you lose that smile</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Even if I have to give my all</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to give it back to you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin vaguely recognises the song from when Hyunjin went through a huge Day6 phase, and would nonstop blast and sing their songs day in, day out. No one had really minded, as the songs, group </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hyunjin’s own voice are all impressive, but coming out of Seungmin’s mouth instead of Hyunjin’s, Jeongin closes his eyes, and knows that it’s the most beautiful rendition he’s heard yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin’s voice is honey: it’s smooth and effortless and climbs each note, even when kept quiet so as to not disturb anybody else at night, with natural flow and range. Not even noticing the way his entire body immediately goes lax, the last fractions of tension leaving his muscles as he sinks into Seungmin’s voice; he’s surrounded by it, he’s breathing it, laying on it, cuddles up within it, and he never, ever wants to leave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This holiday has been full of vulnerability so far, and tonight is no different. Jeongin could add tonight to a vast list of every different form of physical and mental vulnerabilities himself and Seungmin have shown to each other, leaving their souls exposed and raw, handled with careful hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somewhere in the back of Jeongin’s mind, the name of the song registers. </span>
  <em>
    <span>When you love someone.</span>
  </em>
  <span> If he were more awake, his heart would certainly leap at the implication.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Seungmin can even reach the second chorus, Jeongin is fast asleep once more, previous frightening dreams replaced with images of yellows and blues, and feelings of hugs and gentle caresses.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s one week before Jeongin and Seungmin have to leave. One week before they go back to university, and one week before… all of </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> will be efficiently ended. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One week, both stretching unbearably long out before them and also being a terrifyingly short amount of time for Jeongin to spend with Seungmin before they part ways as unlikely friends, and most likely drift apart, having no pressing reasons to see each other anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s New Year’s Eve too, and there’s a burning urgency that’s been brewing within Jeongin all day; the </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to start the next year afresh and not with all of his hidden secrets. He wants to start next year on a fresh slate, and not be burdened with keeping his feelings hidden again, and not be lying to his family. After yesterday’s closeness and last night’s vulnerability he feels a rushed sense of adrenaline within his system, </span>
  <em>
    <span>needing</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get things out in the open with the small pot of hope brewing within him that tells him that things might just be alright.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glances at the clock - it’s a little after eight at night. Less than four hours until this year passes them over and hands the baton to the next phase in life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A part of Jeongin is begging himself to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>confess</span>
  </em>
  <span>; what if Seungmin feels the same way? This way, they won’t have to fake it for the last one week, and Jeongin will finally be free of the rocks tying him down, heavy emotions and unspoken emotions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But another part of him wonders… </span>
  <em>
    <span>what if this is just Seungmin’s personality?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He’d misjudged him so horrifically at the beginning of their friendship; pushed him into such a small box mostly to do with his reputation and now </span>
  <em>
    <span>what he’s really like now</span>
  </em>
  <span>, everything comes as a surprise. Seungmin, in all his selfless, humorous, warm glory, could simply be something Jeongin is </span>
  <em>
    <span>mistaking</span>
  </em>
  <span> as tenderness towards himself now; could be mistaking every romantic gesture as a simple act of platonic affection between two friends that are simply that: </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Close friends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s been staring at his lap for the past five minutes, sitting in comfortable silence with the object of his affections as the fire crackles in front of them and Seungmin slowly sips his hot chocolate, flipping the pages of a paperback every few moments. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Look out of the window, and if it’s snowing, that’s nature telling you to </span>
  </em>
  <span>confess</span>
  <em>
    <span> already.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s a strange bargain, but Jeongin is determined to stick to it; the fact that there had been no snow at all today serving as a little comfort. Most likely, he won’t have to say a thing, and can wait out the last week in peace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snow is falling heavily outside, great fluffy clumps of white falling from the sky so hard that it’s hard to see a few metres ahead of the balcony - although that could be due to the lack of light, too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A deal is a deal - internal or not. The fact that it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> snowing now gives Jeongin a sudden adrenaline boost, and he stands with a newfound purpose; renewed vigour prompting him to say these little words, and say them </span>
  <em>
    <span>fast</span>
  </em>
  <span> before his courage runs out like sand in an egg timer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Seungmin, it’s snowing again,” Jeongin says, offering him a hand. “Come and stand outside with me for a bit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’ll still be snowing when we go back to uni,” Seungmin protests, but sets his drink down on the coffee table and takes Jeongin’s proffered hand regardless, grabbing the woolen blanket off his legs before it can fall to the ground and wrapping it around his shoulders instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin lets go of Seungmin’s hand so that he can push open the double doors leading to the balcony, but Seungmin laces their fingers back together the second Jeongin’s hand drops back to his side. The action makes Jeongin’s heart flutter, and he feels just a little more comfortable in the speech he’s about to give. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re thinking too hard,” Seungmin murmurs, as they look out over the balcony together, and moves his blanket so that it encompasses the both of them, sharing body heat and woolen strands, intricately woven. “Admire the snowfall instead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snowflakes fall into Seungmin’s dark hair, and minuscule, delicate flakes even catch in his eyelashes, melting fast in proximity to his face but it doesn’t stop new flakes from catching and building up. The blanket protecting them from the cold quickly gets covered in its own thin layer of white, but Jeongin can’t bring himself to brush them away. It’s like they’re becoming one with the snowfall, and he’s okay with that. Seungmin looks ethereal, gazing out into the darkness, following particular snowflakes deemed interesting enough for his full attention before they hit the balcony or fall out of sight, before the cycle begins again, and again, and again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin thinks that the select snowflakes that Seungmin’s eyes follow are the luckiest snowflakes out there. He cannot tear his eyes away from the man standing so close next to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not the snowfall,” Seungmin chuckles, looking away from the snowfall and turning to face Jeongin instead. “Is there something on your mind?” His words are as gentle as the snowfall caressing every inch of exposed skin on Jeongin’s face, and his dark eyes reflect the christmas lights strung up on the balcony walls. Jeongin studies his face, and his heart swells. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin is like a black hole: and upon further inspection and study, Jeongin finds that he’s so much more beautiful than terrifying after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You,” Jeongin says, surprising even himself with his boldness. Even Seungmin seems a little taken aback, if not pleasantly surprised. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me?” he asks, and Jeongin could swear he inches just a little closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin started this entire mess, and now he’s ready to finish it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with the icy chill of snowfall, and then exhales, letting go of all of the worries trying to tell him what to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You,” he repeats, letting go of the corner of the blanket he was holding snug over his shoulder and taking Seungmin’s other hand in his own. Seungmin frowns as the blanket falls away from Jeongin’s shoulders, and wiggles one hand out of the younger’s grasp to pull the blanket back. They’re chest to chest now, with Seungmin holding the blanket cosily around the both of them, both of Jeongin’s hands squeezing Seungmin’s free hand like a lifeline. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The adrenaline in Jeongin’s system, once simmering on low heat and enough to keep him going for just a little longer, suddenly bubbles and overflows, blood rushing to his ears, </span>
  <em>
    <span>deafening</span>
  </em>
  <span> him so much that he can’t even hear himself saying his next sentence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin, I think I’m in love with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t meant to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> direct, but he guesses his feelings betrayed him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything within Jeongin is telling him to drop Seungmin’s hand and flee, go and find his mother and panic-cry into her chest - perhaps he can sleep in her room tonight instead? -  but he uses every ounce of strength he has left and stays there, searching Seungmin’s eyes for a sign of </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> that might hint to him about his response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin stays silent, for just a few seconds too long, and something within Jeongin breaks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” he whispers, and lets go of Seungmin’s hand, looking down at the ground, at their sock-clad feet that almost touch, wetted by the snowfall. “I’m sorry I ended up falling for you after dragging you into this situation.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He steps back, lets the blanket fall from his shoulders again, and starts to walk back inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He makes it exactly one step away from Seungmin before frantic hands tug him back, arms draw him close to a warm body, and a blanket is wrapped back around his shoulders as Seungmin holds him close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t go,” Seungmin whispers into the night air. Jeongin can feel Seungmin’s heart racing against his chest through their clothes, and for a second, he thinks it matches his own heartbeat. “I’m in love with you too.” Fingers card into Jeongin’s hair, but despite the touch Jeongin struggles away from Seungmin, wanting to see his face to make </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> he isn’t dreaming. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin smiles then, stepping back to link his arms around the back of Jeongin’s neck comfortably. “I’m in love with you too, Innie. I thought I’d made that obvious already.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Jeongin were to scream right here and now, would it really matter in the long run? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Really</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he says instead, as eloquent as one in love can be. Seungmin chuckles, and leans closer, connecting their foreheads. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I kiss you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>, if Jeongin hasn’t been waiting to hear those words for weeks by now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Foregoing a verbal answer, he surges forward to meet Seungmin halfway. Seungmin’s lips are soft against Jeongin’s, that are slightly chapped from the cold, but neither mind as they keep the kiss soft, an innocent press of mouths made special with the way the two simply bask in each other’s warmth and the feeling of finally kissing the other after what feels like so long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They pull away after a long, long moment, simply gazing into each other’s eyes and processing the fact that that </span>
  <em>
    <span>had, </span>
  </em>
  <span>in fact, </span>
  <em>
    <span>just happened.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jeongin’s arms find their way around Seungmin’s waist and they stand there, intertwined and existing together, peacefully, safely. There’s no expectation for once; no image to keep up in front of any family members. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A private moment. And perhaps the most important one yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what now?” Jeongin smiles, mind hazy from post-kiss bliss. Cradling Jeongin’s face in his hands, Seungmin leans forward and nuzzles their noses together, delighting in the pleased hum Jeongin lets out at the action. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing has to happen now if you don’t want it to,” Seungmin begins, “but I wouldn’t be opposed to becoming what we’ve been posing as this entire time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin jumps in place once at the words, another happy noise escaping his lips as his arms tighten around Seungmin. “Okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this what you pulled me out here for, my love?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah... “</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cute. Now whenever I see the snow I’ll be reminded of us.” Seungmin beams at Jeongin, then looks back out into the snow-filled abyss. “But it’s freezing, and you’re shaking. What do you say to take this back inside in front of the fire, darling?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Darling</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>My love</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Jeongin can get used to this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The snow outside is beautiful, the icy chill grounding; but the idea of curling back up in front of the fire with Seungmin until the New Year rolls around sounds even more appealing. Jeongin nods. “Sounds good to me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tonight, they will bring in the New Year with sweet kisses and whispered promises against each other’s lips, and begin a new journey together; one founded on mutual acknowledgement of feelings and, this time, on underlying truths instead of the foundation of deception.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s New Year’s morning, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> has Jeongin woken up with such a sense of tranquil happiness about him before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just a week after Christmas, and he wakes up in the exact same position, except this time there are no wriggly busibodies sneaking into their room to wake them with rowdiness or excited yells; there’s no </span>
  <em>
    <span>reason</span>
  </em>
  <span> for Jeongin to feel embarrassed about the way he’s cuddled up to Seungmin, either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His</span>
  </em>
  <span> Seungmin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungmin, who’s still asleep, but has both arms wrapped around Jeongin with the same strength as if he were awake. Jeongin shifts a little, moving his head from presses cheek-first into his lover’s chest, to propping his chin on the warmth there, simply watching and observing how peaceful Seungmin’s face is in slumber. With no external communication or stimulation, Seungmin’s face is completely relaxed, as serene as the way his chest slowly rises up and down with each steady exhale. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wriggling an arm free, Jeongin sneaks a hand into Seungmin’s hair, letting his thumb wander over the curve of his cheekbone; the apple of his cheek; relishing in the silken soft feel of the warm skin there. The action makes Seungmin stir in his sleep, but Jeongin can’t bring himself to regret waking him as he’s greeted with a pleased noise, the elder not bothering to peel his eyes open just yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Jeongin whispers into the silent room, and earns himself another hum, curling upwards in tone, which he presumes is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>hi</span>
  </em>
  <span> back, in sleepy-Seungmin language. The domesticity of it makes him suppress a squeal </span>
  <em>
    <span>purely</span>
  </em>
  <span> because he doesn’t want to deafen Seungmin so early into his wakefulness, so he pushes himself further up the bed and plonks himself right into the crook of Seungmin’s neck instead, nuzzling into the warmth, his head fitting like a perfect puzzle piece; like he belongs there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And right now, he really does. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… Come here,” Seungmin mumbles, his hands carding into Jeongin’s hair only to pull him away from the new home his face had found. Jeongin’s about to whine about it when a pair of soft, albeit slightly chapped, lips meet his own, and his heart lurches in joy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s silly, really; how whenever Jeongin had considered kissing right in the morning before today, he’d cringed at the thought of morning breath and vowed to himself to always brush his teeth before kisses no matter what.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>But here, right now, with Seungmin -- morning breath be damned, for let it be known Yang Jeongin </span><em><span>couldn't</span></em> <em><span>care</span></em> <em><span>less</span></em><span>.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They get dressed, and pull each other straight outside and into the snow, foregoing breakfast for the time being as they run, laughing together, past Jeongin’s slightly hungover parents and Jisoo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Landing in the snow together, surrounded by white and bliss and crystal, Jeongin lifts a handful of snow to Seungmin’s face, and the only thing he notices is how cold Seungmin’s lips are when he presses them to Jeongin’s cheek, then his nose, and finally his lips again, hot on cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is by far the happiest way Jeongin has ever begun a new year with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeongin stands up, brushes himself off and pulls Seungmin to his feet too - and out of the corner of their eyes they can see Jeongin’s family - </span>
  <em>
    <span>their</span>
  </em>
  <span> family - back in the lodge, nursing hot drinks in mugs and warming themselves by the fire as they laugh through the glass at the joyous scene displayed in front of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a strange thing, knowing that what they’re seeing is </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> real. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it makes Jeongin want to do something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin, do you trust me?” he says suddenly, making Seungmin pause in his snowball pile he’s steadily building up. He stands up again, looking Jeongin directly in the eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do,” he said without any hesitation, and Jeongin grins, surging forward and grabbing Seungmin around the waist, cradling the back of his head with one arm as he bends forward, dipping Seungmin low to the ground in the way he’s only ever seen happen between princes and princesses in romantic movies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re each other’s princes now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And as Jeongin leans down those final millimetres to capture Seungmin’s lips with his own once more, he only has one thought on his mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If this is what comes out of faking a relationship, then I’m happy to be fitting Felix’s fanfiction-criteria, just this once.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading! </p><p>scream with me on twitter: @roseseungs</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>End of pt1. Thank you for reading - Part two will be up on Christmas Day sometime (BST!)<br/>let me know your thoughts so far in the comments!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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